Saturday, August 30, 2014

Safari in...Vegas?

A few weeks ago, it was time for the annual Julie, Mel and April trip.  Not so long ago, we all lived in Maryland. But times have changed and they live in Florida and California respectively so the annual trip means we can pick any destination we want and meet there for a few days of fun. This makes the travel part all the more tedious as the fun doesn't really begin until we meet up. That doesn't mean it can't be entertaining...

This particular trip would be my first to the infamous Las Vegas, Nevada. How have I never been there?  As I daydreamed of our Trump Tower penthouse while in the security line at the airport, it occurred to me that I had not moved forward in an extended period of time. Suddenly, rationally irritated, I tuned in to what was happening ahead of me. A tragically uncool family of four was blocking my progress. A Mom wore a tan safari hat on a rope draped around her neck so the hat lay flat on her back just below her pony tail held by a scrunchie. She wore khaki shorts with a belt, a faded yellow t-shirt and wool, (WOOL! It's August. ) socks under hiking boots. The Dad figure, teenage son and preteen daughter wore the same uniform. The son sat crossed legged untying his boots while the daughter flailed about with her quart sized bag filled with tiny bottles each containing less than three ounces of liquid. They were in my way. They were also ridiculous. I switched lines and quickly forgot about them...

Until twenty minutes later, settled into my seat reading Cosmopolitan (who does that after the age of 21?!?! I was on vacation OK?) they sat down next to me. With all their boots and hats and in-appropriates. Is there a safari I don't know about in Vegas? I verified I was in fact in the correct place and assumed they would soon discover this flight was not going to .... Australia? Surely, they needed more sunblock than three ounces each as their skin tone was only a shade darker than Edward Cullen. 

I had forgotten about them once again, until the son walked past me on the plane to go to restroom. (Apparently, they were going to Vegas. In those clothes.)  Upon realising it was occupied, he uncertainly looked back at his Mom, unsure what to do. For a moment, I related to him. Once upon a time, I was that lanky, unsure, pale, teenager in thick glasses. (Did I even need to mention they all had matching circular spectacles?)

I couldn't be too concerned with the kids insecurities however because the guy next to me was either having a panic attack based on his heavy breathing and wiping his palms on his shorts, had turrets syndrome based on the noises escaping his mouth though he was obviously trying to suppress them, or was quite possibly possessed based on how far he could rapidly jerk his neck in one direction. Like seriously, almost backwards, owl-like. I felt like I should talk to him*, but I help people all day at work and since he mostly seemed to be hanging in there, I decided to see what Cosmo said about having the "Best Sex of your Life." Surely, after all these years they had something new I didn't know about. 

Having forgotten all about the khaki family once again after one magazine, one nap, and several Chapters of Cameron Diaz's "The Body Book" later, someone a few rows ahead asked a question. The flight attendant replied, "Peanuts? No, we won't be serving peanuts on todays flight. There's an allergy on board."

I think we all know who was responsible for said allergy.

Proper Vegas Attire


*I did in fact make friends with panicked, turrets, devil guy by the end of the flight. Turns out, he was reading Cameron from my kindle the whole time. He was a lovely individual and I hope he had a fantastic time in Vegas with his friends and enjoyed his shows!

**I also hope the Khaki family...survived. 

3 comments:

Stephanie Faris said...

I never visited Vegas when I was young and wild! I was already married and in my 30s when we traveled there for my sister's wedding. It was fun, but I don't think it's the same when you're older.

AiringMyDirtyLaundry said...

Khaki family. Ha.

I want to go to Las Vegas someday.

VEG said...

Haha, hilarious. I always get all the undesirables sitting right by me on flights. Gah, so many times.

I went to Vegas for the first time last summer and loved that crazy place. I don't gamble but allowed for ten bucks on the slots and won $200 so that was okay! Love the climate and the desert and the giant margaritas. Especially, the giant margaritas! :) So want to go back some day.

Didn't love the landing at the airport. Windy, bumpy, banking all over the place, making me feel ill. Hope you had fun, miss J.