I don't have an official "bucket list," but while sipping a white wine over looking the Pacific Ocean at the Hotel Del Coronado, I realized I was fulfilling one of the items on the mental bucket list . In my teens, I was obsessed with Baywatch and had great aspirations to become a lifeguard though I didn't swim well and my eyesight was completely dependent on coke bottle thick glasses. All the same, when the Baywatch gang went to the Hotel Del Coronado and Summer was haunted by a ghost I knew I would visit one day. So there I was relaxing with some of my favorite people in the world rocking my faux Chanel and then of course there was this chick at the table next to us in real Chanel. Do'h! I looked like this.
I arrived back ready to concur the world. Or, at least the last few weeks of winter. A couple of days later however, my last surviving grandparent passed away. Rationally, my Grandmother had suffered for far too many years from severe dementia and I am grateful she is at peace. But it's still death and it's still my Mom's Mom and it was and is hard.
Have you ever heard elders speak of death almost casually in passing and wonder if it's something you get used to? Does it get easier, or is it a matter of circumstance? As I am fortunate enough to have only attended four funerals in my life, this was only the second with an open casket. I was fully traumatized at the first when my Grandfather looked absolutely, positively nothing like himself. It's scary, and icky and unnatural but this time, the strangest thing happened. As my sister and I stood behind my Mom as she knelt in front of her mother, I forced myself to look at my Grandmothers face. After years of wearing panic stricken expressions from her dementia, her face was relaxed. She finally looked untroubled. She even looked like more like the Grandmother I had known many years ago. I don't know if it made it easier, but I did feel a sense of relief and calm for her.
Calendar wise, spring is here, but weather wise, Maryland hasn't gotten the memo. I didn't follow through (yet) on my "Couch to 5k app" due in part to cold temps, family distractions and few minor illnesses. Tomorrow, I'm starting a 6 week boot camp class with some of the girls at work, so I anticipate that will kick start stupid running again. Running is so stupid, but I have a few pounds in the middle to loose so I WILL start and finish the app this spring.