Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Seasick Crocodiles and a Christmas Movie Confession

I don't understand how people can simply state, "I hate Christmas music."

How can that be? Sure, I don't want to hear a round of Jingle Bells in March, but no matter who is singing Santa Baby, I am going to stop what I am doing and coo out those lyrics. Baby it's Cold Outside, O'Holy Night, Rockin' Around, the Christmas Tree, Last Christmas, Winter Wonderland? What is not to love?!?!

While we're talking Christmas, I have a confession. It occurred to me last year that I loath this new Christmas favorite. Love Actually. It's actually quite horrible and I have taken it upon myself to share with you why.

Horrible:

1.  Professor Snape cheats on Emma Thompson. 
2.  The other girl sleeps with her husbands brother and then he has to fall in love with someone who does not speak english AND he has to jump in the water to get his novel.
3.  Keira Knightly wears that weird wedding dress that they refuse to show us enough of, so we can't decide if we love or hate it and even if you google image it you can't find a proper pic and that is reason enough for bitterness. 
4.  Liam Neelson's wife dies and it's even sadder to watch now, because it later happened in real life.
5.  Billy Bob Thornton kisses Natalie and it hurts Hugh Grant's feelings. 
6.  When Colin moves to Wisconsin, and then there is ugh, just ugh!
7.  OMG LAURA LINNEY. SLEEP WITH THIS ALREADY!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND YOUR NOKIA RING TONE?!?


And now for the good stuff. 

1.  Mr. Bean taking forever to wrap the sordid necklace from Snape. He says, "Flashiest of flashes."
2.  The porn stand-ins. (Except when you forget about them, because you ALWAYS do and then you sit down to watch the movie with your parents and there they are all naked and nipples...)
3.  When Hugh Grant does his "I'm Prime M. dance bitches!"


And this is why I continue to watch the movie, year after year while wrapping Christmas gifts. 





5 comments:

TB said...

I loooooooove Love Actually. Can't get enough of Hugh Grant dancing and Carl the hot office guy. But, you're right: OMG JUST TURN OFF YOUR STUPID PHONE AND HAVE SEX WITH THAT MAN WHO IS CLEARLY WAY TOO HOT TO WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU ANYWAY!!!!!

That is all.

Colleen said...

I have only seen Love Actually once, and it didn't have a huge impact on me either way. Maybe I should watch it again - but these days I fall asleep during basically all movies.

I also think that Christmas music is too big and varied a genre to hate it all - unless you have religious reasons. Poor little non-Christian who don't participate in secular Christmas either probably grow to, understandably, hate the music.

Speaking of seasick crocodiles, what, exactly, is a "crooked jerky jocky?" Because to me it sounds a little dirty.

Kev D. said...

Decent movie, although The Holiday has become my new standard for cheesy feel good holiday movies.

Chrissi said...

Love that Movie, and hate all the parts you hate too, especially Laura Linny and the model guy!
I also have a love of "The Holiday"
I think I shall do what you do and watch these movies while gift wrapping, sounds like an awesome plan! Now, when will I get to that blasted wrapping?

apey528 said...

I WILL NOT READ THE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT LOVE ACTUALLY! Its all about LOVE Julieeeeeeeee, different kinds of love. Its really deep actually.