Several Saturday nights ago, Kristen and I not only went out, we left the state of Maryland. I had to check out a comedy club for work or I assure you my night would have involved pajamas and catching up with Sister Wives on TV. While Julie/Kristen adventures were once routinely quite dramatic, we're married and low key these days. We sometimes wonder if we are unhip hermits.
Comedy clubs are not my (our) cup of tea. The last time we went to one, the drunk white "comedian" started making racial slurs before stripping down to his tighty-whities and stumbling through the crowd in Baltimore that had turned on him. It was fairly terrifying in that way when Leonardo DiCaprio does E in Romeo and Juliet. The lights were low, the colors were bright and blurry and I was sure that guns were being held high over heads in slow motion, but we were so drunk ourselves that all we could do was slink down out of our chairs and hide underneath our sticky, alcohol slicked table until it finally occurred to us that we could just leave and that is what we did and successfully, though narrowly avoided the gun fight.
I digress. We put on our fancy clothes and brought a GPS because unlike the days of our past we were going to be respectable, drive ourselves and not be drunkenly passed out in the backseat of Ben's ride when the night was over. All went well on the way there, except for a minor moment when we got slightly turned around. As I calmly cruised under an overpass, church bells or classical music suddenly overtook my vehicle. Life has been high-stress lately, and for a few scary seconds I thought I had completely lost it. I thought my mind had picked that very moment to check out and I was going to be all eerie vacant smiles on the outside, and manic church bells on the inside indefinitely. Luckily, Kristen heard the unexplained sounds as well, so then life was good again.
We arrived right on time to the classy comedy club. There were white table cloths. Have I mentioned how much I adore white table cloths? I do. We ordered our wine by the glass and our 15 dollar salads, 35 dollar entrees and had no fear of a gun fight this time. We were getting special treatment because the general manger knew I was potentially buying 1,000 tickets for my company. The comedian was actually quite comical. (The female magician who opened was...less than comical.)
The GM gave us a private tour of the club upstairs after the show and we caught the attention of the cute comedian. "Still got it!" we thought. We were feeling pretty confident and proud of ourselves when the night was over...
Enter the elevator. Somehow we ended up in it with Tim Kidd . Now, I consider myself to be pretty smooth. So is Kristen. We can talk to anyone. People like us. So why we picked this moment, when we were looking good and had given the appearance of being all VIP to turn this elevator ride into the most awkward 14 floor trip there ever was is beyond me.
Me: So...big plans tonight Tim Kidd? (I meant to come off cool and casual was really only chatting with him to be polite, but it came off sounding like, "Want to go have sex?")
Tim Kidd: (monotone) My second show.
Me: (Do'h!) Well I know that... I meant-- after.
Tim Kidd: (he thinks I'm DTF now and looks curious.) ...I don't know. What do you guys do around here? Are you hanging out?
Me: (horrified fear and panic. Turn to Kristen for help. )
Kristen: WE don't know. We don't live here!!!
Tim Kidd: Where do you live?
K and J: Annapolis.
Tim Kidd: I went to Salisbury once.
Julie: ...oh...that's not... really very close to us.
Tim Kidd: ...Oh... What floor are you guys on?
K & J: (suddenly have idea what floor we are on.)
Kristen: We don't know.
Tim Kidd: (looks annoyed. Gets off on the floor we clearly are supposed to get off on as well. No goodbye. No, "Have a nice night." Just walks away as the elevator door slowly shuts and we stand there for several seconds in silence.)
I'm pretty confident we sucked part of his will to live that night with our awkwardness. What is wrong with us? we questioned. Despite our fear of running into Tim Kidd while he waited to start his second show, we braved the hotel bar while waiting to meet up with our friends Brandon and Sandy. (I really want to just start calling them "Brandy" because they are getting married and it just feels right. )
Anyway, they conveniently live a few blocks away from the comedy club so we got a sweet tour of Arlington and the following (brief) night notes occurred.
Kristen: If I were to be a female magician.
Brandon: You could see the rat in my brain running.
In conclusion. it's obvious by my lack of posts in general, not to mention the lack of Night Notes that a lot of other stuff in my life has consumed me lately. I'm working on it, and hoping to get back to a new normal very soon!