Monday, September 5, 2011

I could totally be in law enforcement.

It has been determined that Katie and I are going to write letters. Anyone at Harry Browne's bar on Friday night might know this as I slammed my fist against the bar as I exclaimed it. Not only that, but Katie and I have have developed some radical new safety procedures to implement in this town to keep it safe. It involves hot pink. I'll back up. 

As if an earthquake and hurricane were not enough, last week Annapolis had the fun of tracking down a fugitive who escaped from the court house right by my house. His specialties are drugs, violence, taking things that don't belong to him and rape. Yay. A well rounded criminal. He had attempted to flee from court a few days prior so our law enforcement decided it would be swell to dress him up in a dark green jump suit and assign him one female guard. Obviously, he overpowered her and ran for the nearest neighborhood where he hid in someone's garage for twelve hours. Oh, and said neighborhood still had no power from the hurricane. 

After fighting everyone ounce of my soul  that wanted to put on pajamas, eat a cheese sandwich and watch "Four Weddings," I thought it best fight my agoraphobic urges and go out to dinner with Katie. It worked because when we finished dinner I wanted to go get a drink, so we headed on over to old faithful, Harry Browne's and began our discussion of disasters at hand. 

First up, why did our hardened criminal wear dark green? Were they out of camouflage?  For that matter, why didn't they just dress him up in a business suit? A police uniform maybe? Katie and I think from now on, the crims' (that's new slang you know) get fluorescent hot pink. Nineteen eighties style. And they DON'T get to wear their own clothes under it like in the case of this guy. (Seriously. WTH?!) But the best part? We'll we're still working out the details. We couldn't decide if an alarm would sound if the suit exited the court house, or perhaps it would blast Britney Spears music, or maybe the suit would just blow up like a puffer fish? Again, it would cost money for set up of suits linked to buildings. 

I think I finally narrowed it down.  The suit only moves in slow motion. I don't know what kind of engineer needs to design it but it definitely can't be that difficult. Once the suit tries to move fast, it locks up and becomes rigid. Walking = good. Running = bad. And the faster the person tries to move, the less the suit will move. That's right. Anne Arundel County is going to have their minds blown with they get our letters. They might even make us honorary council woman! (I'm not sure what that means, but mostly that we will get paid the big bucks to make more decisions like these, or at least just a lot of money for this one.)  

Anyway, Night Notes as follows:

9/2/2011
Katie: If I were a fugitive...
Julie: If I were a fugitive, I wouldn't have murdered, robbed and raped. 
Julie: He's my doggies daddy. 
Note to Self: Just stay home with your pajamas and cheese sandwich. 


1 comment:

colleen said...

um that sounds terrifying. like a straight up episode of criminal minds. although your ideas would make me feel a lot safer.