Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I rather enjoy needles in my body...

I'm dabbling in the world of acupuncture these days for a myriad of reasons. Yesterday, I ventured in for the real deal needles-in-my-back appointment.

To get started was told to leave on just my bra and to make sure my skirt was loose enough so she could move it if needed. As I situated myself on the table face down I unzipped and rezipped my skirt numerous times trying to get it just loose enough, but not showing too much thong loose. I gave up when I zipped my skin in the zipper and fretted that she would wonder what kind of kinky things I was into because I had a pinch mark on my ass.

Next up, I put my face in the head rest and conveniently discovered there was an arm rest below. My initial thought was not, "Oh, nice place to rest my hands," but "I bet a lot of people drool on this thing."  Around this time, the doctor arrived and proceeded with needles along my both sides of my spine. She wrapped me in blankets, commented that a few of the needles had turned red, (?!)  turned on soothing music and left me to my experience.

I felt pretty relaxed and smug about being able to chill out at 5:30 in the evening when I'm normally running around all helter skelter stressed. Suddenly, I woke from a bizarre and startling dream about puppet people arguing though I can't quite recall the specifics any longer. I do recall, my loooong stream of drool hanging straight down to that hand rest! CRAP! and also, I knew it! I frantically wiped away at it, sure the Dr. would appear right then. Oh, the shame of it. I wasn't really sure how long I had been there, but while I didn't entirely doze off again, I was by no means entirely alert.

After an undetermined amount of time, she came back and as promised, removed the first needles and replaced them with a few new ones in a different location and quietly walked out. I proceeded back to my twilight zone of half consciousness. I could barely hear the man in the next room rambling on about his stresses in life and his daughter and wife. I felt bad for the acupuncturist who had to deal with him, but decided that is probably what I sounded like at my first visit last week so I let it go and faded back into the zone.

When it was all done, she told me to take my time getting ready. She suggested I might feel a little loopy. As I stood up, I was surprised to see the sun was getting a little lower in the sky. Looking at the clock I was shocked to find over an hour had passed. I walked over to my clothes and stumbled, I was so off balance. In a calm and relaxed way though. I lost interest with clothes at this point and wandered over to the mirror, (no mind I was passing huge window looking over someones back yard) and found that my eye make-up was surprisingly smeared, my face looked unusually relaxed and come to think of it, it felt completely stress free.

It took me longer than normal to button my shirt and gather my things. Nat had called. Had I told him I was going to acupuncture? At the front desk, I was told what to expect in the next few days. She had done a treatment for my shoulder and for sort of an emotional detox, I believe. The next 72 hours could be interesting. She told me to drive safely as I probably felt as though I had a few glasses of wine and was "dopey."

I'm not sure when the last time was that I felt that relaxed. Nat had dinner for me when I got home and we took a gleeful Brubeck for a cool evening stroll. Now that my head was on a little straighter, I practically skipped on our walk. I slept in dream free bliss, though I did not want to get up this morning. My back is cracking in a very satisfying way and my shoulder issue feels much less tense.

Until the journey continues next week, I'll be trying to find times for the good stuff in life and relaxing with my loves.

Monday, August 29, 2011

East Coast Drama

So the earth was shaking and the seas were swirling around these parts in the last week.

Last Tuesday we experienced a 5.8 earthquake.  That was a lot of shakey excitement for Maryland since most of us have never felt a significant quake before. I can say it was neat because to my knowledge while nothing terrible happened, we had a few broken things and open dresser drawers so I feel like we can say we really experienced something.

While media was all, AGH, batteries, ice, non-perishable foods and gas! Pandemonium now! I was like, "YIPPEE!!! Hurricane storm, it's our 6 month wedding anniversary AND Nat has the weekend off!" I promptly proceeded to purchase plenty of perishable foods which worked out really well for me since we never lost power. And in the Julie and Nat household, the TV remotes are the only things we own that run off of batteries so I didn't have to buy those anyway.

In other news, do you ever just assume that your husband doesn't really pay attention to the girly things you do, but then all of a sudden he not only knows exactly what you are up to, but manages to poke fun at you in a really clever way? I had just finished up some in-house yoga Sunday morning when Nat woke up. Brubeck had actually cooperated and watched in curiosity for once rather than his normal, sniff, sniff, paw, bite knock me over routine.  Nat looked up and spied this scene.

"Brubeck is on your Namaste rag." ...Namaste rag?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Oh HI Hermit, Night Notes!

After the previous Friday nights shenanigans I was on the fast-track back to hermit town.  While I did have a great time out of my house for the first time all summer, the repercussions of my beverages were brutal.  So when Nat asked me this Friday night if I wanted to go out to visit our friend Newman who was working at the Wild Orchid I hesitated. I hadn't seen Newman in months. I would have to forgo my plans of eating a swiss cheese sandwich, wearing pajamas and going to mtv.com to watch Jersey Shore extras...Oh, god. I had to go.  But could I make myself do it?

I looked like this trying to decide.

Full of worry and fret. Eventually, I decided I could do it. I would put on my real pants and apply a large amount of mascara and I would go and drink only a respectable amount of alcohol. I would enjoy going out and mingling with the (gulp)...public.

Nat and I arrived around 11 and there was a drunk psychologist forcefully pushing her knowledge of body language on all the other patrons.  Personally, I felt that was in poor form and rather unprofessional. In addition, I feel her need to blatantly make others nervous that she was looking at them to be a sign of her own insecurities. That and I was jealous of her shiny red shoes.

Eventually, I started to settle in.  I had a glass of red wine and we started to catch up with Newman. The following Night Notes occurred:

Newman: I had to fire him.
Julie: Why?
Newman: He was mean to the bosses wife...you should know about that.
(Do'h! Touche Newman, Touche)

Julie: How many trannies were there?
Newman: I'm going to plead the fifth.
Newman: Tranny Hobitt. Yeah!

Nat: Newman has a short fuse. It's more like a fuss. Just take of the "e."

We only stayed out of a few hours before Nat and I were both ready to venture home.  Getting out of the house was good, but getting back home was good too. I'm going to try to be brave and face the world some more in the next few weeks to secure more night notes blogs. Newman suggested a new feature called, "Night Notes on Night Scrolls" which I think is really just a longer version of a night note, but I'm still entertaining the idea. Right now, I'm really into my new picture feature which I'm pretty sure I can maintain so we'll see how that goes.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Why Dolly Parton is not to be trusted

Once upon a time back in the early 90's my parents decided to take us to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  We did lots of things on this trip but I'm pretty sure the main event was going to Dollywood. I mean, my Mom likes Dolly Parton, but not base-a-whole-vacation-around-her "like" but I was young so it is the main part of what I remember of this trip.

Anyway, Dolly swears all the rides are kid friendly, and none are too scary but just right. You see where I'm going with this? La de da, carousel, ferris wheels, log flumes, and normal roller coasters. All good stuff. (Come to think of it, ferris wheels and log flumes have always quite terrified me if you want to know the truth. Your all NOT strapped in and flailing about. )

As I was trying to say. First roller coaster. Good stuff.  Second coaster....  Let me start by saying if I were to have a discussion with Dolly Parton in regard to the Death and Terror Coaster of Traumatic and Nightmarish Unfun Fear- the look on my face would look like this.

Everyone is so good with MS Paint Pics accurately describing event emotions. Maybe I'll go with this idea?

Dolly calls the coaster in question, Blazing Fury. It is an indoor ride in the dark that takes you through a burning town. Right? No, but what IS that? People are screaming and crying and cats are definitely dying and it's dark and creepy and NOT fun. So I'm sitting next to my big sister kind of in shock at what I'm seeing but mostly thinking, 'this is really weird' because I'm too young to realize it's actually really twisted when all of a sudden the train takes off  and it's pitch black and there is water spraying in our faces, but we can't see a thing and then we're falling, falling, falling, and again it's dark and I have no idea when it will end but it finally does and then I realize I was so scared I wasn't even breathing much less screaming and it turns out we supposedly just went over a waterfall...Right? WHY is there a waterfall in a burning town and why aren't the towns people putting out the fire with the water?

I regroup my ten year old brain around what just happened, but not for long because now there are fake people coming at the train crying for help and it's even more kinds of wrong when we begin to hear a loud whistle and a bright light starts barreling towards us except really it's the coaster picking up speed and the light is still and I really can't tell what's going on but then I realize it is a train coming right at us and just before we crash, the coaster takes another million second downward hill right under the light and it's pitch black and it seems like it's never going to end and finally it does and I'm thinking, "I really hope this is almost over."

Just when I lean over to tell Cheryl that I'd like to be done with this we are in peril again because we're barreling towards a brick wall that says something really helpful like "Danger." Fortunately, we narrowly avoid this method of death, but unfortunately it is by going under it just in time in another never ending blind downward mountain of terror.

And then it was over.  I was horrified. I couldn't wait to talk about just how horrific it was when Cheryl looks at me with a huge smile. "Wasn't that fun?"

What? No!

Was she out of her mind? Were we even on the same ride? Then my parents met up and they were all, "That was really neat. I've never been on a ride like that before!" All full of glee and giddy. I was still shaking in dismay of everything I'd seen and felt, but when they asked me, I was all...

Never better.  Never better. 

That was the end of that. For a few years anyway.  Believe it or not, we went back to Dollywood like three years later.

 I'd never expressed my negative feelings towards the Blazing Fury coaster and just hoped it would not be there again. But it was. And my silly family wanted to subject themselves to it again. Mom and Dad got on first. Off they went. I was starting to feel a little panicked. Cheryl and I got on and sat down. "Are you OK?" Cheryl asked me. "Iwanttogetoff.Idon'tlikeit."

CLICK. And it was too late. We were off. It was only then, as we slowly rolled through that burning town with the trapped cat that I hyperventilated my hatred towards the ride.  We coasted ever so slowly, closer and closer to the blacked-out never ending hills that evoked such terror to me. I clutched my sisters arm for dear life as we catapulted to or from danger the same three ways once again.  This time, I had so much pent up fear I was visibly shaking (ok, and crying) when we exited this house of horror. My parents were quite confused by my state of distress.

This doesn't normally happen, but I got so carried away with my facial expression pictures, I'm not sure how to end the blog. Um. The End.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I never cease to be amazed...

Without really getting into what I do for work, I wanted to share the following email transaction that I found to be both hilarious and shockingly untactful for lack of a better description.  It begins with an email from a random lady in response to a mass discount email that was sent out by my company. (I have only edited my response to avoid getting into my line of work.)

Random Lady:  email me fee schedules! I want to good services too.

Professional Me: I have attached a generic preliminary sheet so you can get an idea of our fees. Would you like me to prepare one with specific figures?  I would be happy to answer any questions you have and hope to work with you soon. 

Random Lady:  do you have chinese work in your office?

Professional Me:  (Wait. What?  Proceeds to google person while drafting appropriate response in head.)

Random Lady: We will pass since I have much better deals with another two companies, even with $300 discounts.
Good Luck, I know a lot of ________ companies will be out of business next few years, just too many around.
Yes, the person who is unable of emailing with proper grammar just wished me good luck and suggested my company may go out of business? I feel a more appropriate response could have been, "Thank you, our current companies still offer lower rates."
My favorite part?  Her email signature.
"I believe success isn't what we know, but who we know."
Fantastic! It's good to not want to be held accountable for making yourself a success but rather to mooch off of others. 
For the record, I felt no need to respond. 

Sunday, August 14, 2011

School, Gin, Night Notes, and Procrastination

After taking several semesters off of school while doing that whole big white dress thing and getting settled into new jobs, the time to hesitate is through.  I have registered for an intense program this fall called Excell.  The short version is that students can earn up to 36 credits in one semester by targeting specific classes they are required to take and writing to prove "life experience."...or something. I'm not sure, even though I have a friend who has done it and discussed it with several advisers, I'm still not positive how it works.

I do know that I'm technically in the program which starts...you know, sometime in the next few weeks and the first order of business is that I peruse the courses I have left to take and write an essay explaining which courses I will be targeting in the program.  Sounds easy enough, right?  We'll I'm sure it will be once I get started.

Wednesday I simply had to do laundry.  And then Thursday, I'm embarrassed to say, well that was Jerzday and before that I needed to vacuum and wander aimlessly around my house for five hours. Priorities. Friday night I really was about to stop playing on the internet.  Really I was.  I was sipping a gin and tonic on my deck and I swear I was reaching for the syllabus when my phone rang and my hand switched directions and answered totally against my will.

It was my good friend Eli who I had not caught up with in ages.  He used to be my roommate and now we literally live less than a mile from each other but I rarely see him.  He said he was walking downtown to Stan and Joes for some live music and I happen to love Stan and Joes and know all the bartenders there so before I knew it, I said I'd leave straight away.

The syllabus fell to the ground in symbolic slow motion. Brubeck looked a me in a rather judgmental way for such a young pup. I assured him I'd only be gone for one and kissed the top of his furry head as I popped out the door.

The thing with Annapolis is that you can never just go to one bar. It's basically impossible to not relocate at least once. After we had discussed Eli's recent honeymoon and various other topics of interest, the band became extra loud and we decided to go to Tsunami. The good news is we ordered sushi, but the bad news is that we also ordered more drinks. Twice.  My plans for 9 a.m. yoga and completing the crucial school project in question before heading to a birthday party the next afternoon were quickly deteriorating.

There is only one Night Note. It is as follows:

Eli: I tell you what I'm going to do. Not go to yoga at 9 a.m.

Sigh.  As previously discussed in painstaking detail I've been quite the non-drinking hermit in my house all summer long.  The memory of the numerous gin and tonics did nothing positive for my Saturday.  When I officially made it out of bed around 3:30 (oh the shame of it) it still look me a solid two hours to get myself in gear to go to the party three hours late.  And nurse an iced tea.

Upon arrival home I had a solid hour before Nat finished work and it would have been a great time to start the project.  I'm pretty sure I spent and extensive amount of time wandering around and petting Brubeck before convincing Nat to watch Eclipse, or whichever is the third Twilight movie.

Julie: Let's watch Twilight. It's good. I swear. Wolves fight.
Nat: Is there nudity?

He was totally onto me and dudes with muscles and no shirts does not qualify as his version of 'nudity' however I was still a little pale and ill from my hangover so he obliged.  I will admit the movie wasn't as good as I remembered, but don't tell Nat that.

So now, it's Sunday.  The dog as been walked, I've consumed a bagel and secured coffee.  The house is relatively clean.  There is no reason not to start this school thing. I mean, it really shouldn't take too long. I should just get it done and over with. I'll feel so much better when it's done. Worse case scenario it takes two hours. So really, I have all day to do it, right?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Jersey Shore Thoughts

My husband has taken to calling me a hermit because I just haven't felt like myself lately and therefore have not gone out. You may have noticed the decline in Night Notes. To fill the sober void, today you'll find evidence of the deep and meaningful conversations I partake in. It's really not all that different from an actual Night Note. Typically, I allow myself one really good trash reality show to indulge in at a time. This google chat excerpt is Kristen and me discussing our favorite orange GTL'ers in painful detail last Thursday before the premier.

Julie:  I just watched the trailer for Jersey Shore. SO excited. Im  also such a loser
Kristen: Ha ha ha. I think I will probably start watching it and then get bored halfway through the season, which is what I did last year. It is set to record though!
 Julie: no way dude. i had not seen the trailer until now and it looks amazing!
  Did you know there are going to be fights?!?!?!
Kristen: ha ha ha ha I saw one where they had the situation on a stretcher?
  something ridic like that
 Julie: I KNOW!
  although i thought it was ron, but yes, it does make more sense for it to have been mike.  It looks like those two are going to get in a real fight
Kristen: i like ronnie (insert face of shame)
 Julie: ............
Kristen: ha ha ha. i know!
 Julie: i dont think i can be your friend.....for real
Kristen: i hate mike
 Julie: TEAM SAMMI!!!! (I mean, if we're talking Ron and Sam)
Kristen: she's a whiny beyotch
 Julie: Yeah, but Ron is a dick
Kristen: but she is sweet sometimes. no, i am talking ron vs the other guys
Julie:  um,....no i like Mike more. But obv Pauly D and Vinnie are the best ones
  and Ronnies is not bad looking but I really dont like how he scrunches his nose when he laughs
 Kristen: Vinnie...BARF I'd do ronnie and pauly
 Julie: (..you do realize this is going to have to be a blog post about us contributing to society again right?)
Kristen: ha ha ha
  I HATE him!
Kristen: ha ha ha ha i think vinnie is so ug!!
 Julie: he is not, i mean hes a little pale
  and he does do that eyebrow thing that is annoying
  but he is sort of nice, and funny
Kristen: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=vinnie+jersey+shore&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=sQQ&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1024&bih=613&tbm=isch&tbnid=RCSn198lBm47uM:&imgrefurl=http://jerseyshoreleak.com/index.php/jersey-shore-images/%253Falbum%253D2%2526photo%253D79&docid=7KGUe9Eg1qd-XM&w=600&h=400&ei=EgU7Tqb9GoXX0QGzsfmxAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=516&vpy=324&dur=325&hovh=127&hovw=190&tx=117&ty=182&page=3&tbnh=123&tbnw=183&start=29&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:29
  does that show up ?
  vinnie is clearly the ugliest and, also, his eyes are overly groomed.
 Julie: ok, his eyes are in fact overly groomed
  however Ronnie has Dr. Suess hairs
Kristen: ha ha ha his hairs are awful
 Julie:  i also have a suspicion that he shaves part of the top of his forehead

And there you have it. The world is lucky to have us.