Sunday, July 31, 2011

I would have been a great Girl Next Door

In order to do this post, I have a shame worthy confession.  I adore the original "Girls Next Door" with Holly, Bridgette, Kendra and Hef. It's true. It's a guilty pleasure I find highly entertaining.

When Hef and the original three split, I boycotted the new show staying loyal to my girls and scoffing at the gold digging twins and wannabe Crystal Harris. "TEAM HOLLY," I secretly rallied in my head.  I truly believe with all my heart and soul she loved him.

Hef and Crystal split days before their wedding and Crystal was quickly replaced with new entertainment.  Realizing her fame was ending and how replaceable she was, in a recent Howard Stern interview Crystal described an unfortunate sex life with her ex. Ungrateful bitch. I felt enraged. (No, really I did.)  The following conversation occurred.

Julie:  I loath that Crystal Harris.
Kristen: Yeah, she's an idiot.
Julie: NO class.
Kristen:  Hef is a very rich and powerful man. You don't want to mess with him.
Julie:  So ungrateful. You have your perks from Hef and you keep your mouth shut!
Kristen:  ...Can you imagine sleeping with Hef?
Julie: .....I mean, I don't really want to. But it probably wouldn't be that bad.
Kristen: He's not bad looking.
Julie: He's not! He used to be really cute.  Ohmygod I have a game.
Kristen: WHAT?
Julie: Who would you rather sleep with? Ok.   Hef or.... Cee Lo Green?
Kristen:  Hef.
Julie: ME too. Ce Lo has very nice teeth, but he looks kind of sweaty. 
Kristen:  Hef or Bill Gates? One of the richest men on earth.
Julie:.....Hef.  He's still cuter and seems like more fun.
Kristen: Me too.
Julie: Hef or Donald Trump.
Julie and Kristen:  HEF!
Julie:  Donald looks like he would have bad breath. Maybe I do want to sleep with Hef?
Kristen: Ha ha. We would have made awesome "Girls Next Door."
Julie: We would have. And we wouldn't have trash talked Hef when it was over!

I've set it before and I'll say it again. We are a huge asset to society.  
No disrespect is meant to Kendra. I lover her but clicked the wrong photo and Hubs said it was funny and better to put his pic than to keep a real Girl Next Door. 

In a recent crafting adventure, Kristen introduced me to Mod Podge. We were Mod Podging planets onto a chair when the following completely serious conversation occurred:

Julie: If I were a planet I would be Jupiter. Those rings are the best.
Kristen:  So would I...but with diamond rings.
Julie: Yeah and a lot of moons too. Jupiter is a high maintenance bitch. 
Kristen:  I think the Mod Podge fumes are getting to us. 



TB said...

I didn't watch it after the original three left, either. Team Holly, all the way. I saw her show in Vegas last week, and she seems so sweet.

Maybe it's a good thing Holly got out, though--surely she'll be happier with someone her own age. Also, can you imagine having kids in that house? You'd have to start them in therapy before they hit puberty!

Holly said...

Dude I was soooo mad that Crystal said all that stuff. She is an A-hole! I was team Holly too.

And you are hilarious because I totally thought Cee Lo looked a little sweaty too though I love how everything is a warrior!

annahita said...

this is too funny! I LOVED the original Girls Next Door too but couldn't get into the new one [was there even a new one, I lost interest]. You're right though Crystal is an idiot, she's going down the tube fast...

Jeremy said...

...isn't Saturn the one with the rings?

Chapter Two said...

i loved that show and didn't watch it after the original three were gone but did watch Holly World in Vegas (her show she did after about her life in Vegas) I love this whole post!

Slyde said...

you know, im all for train-wreck reality tv, but the girls next door never did it for me.

i dunno why....

Miss Sassy Pants said...