Sunday, July 31, 2011

I would have been a great Girl Next Door

In order to do this post, I have a shame worthy confession.  I adore the original "Girls Next Door" with Holly, Bridgette, Kendra and Hef. It's true. It's a guilty pleasure I find highly entertaining.

When Hef and the original three split, I boycotted the new show staying loyal to my girls and scoffing at the gold digging twins and wannabe Crystal Harris. "TEAM HOLLY," I secretly rallied in my head.  I truly believe with all my heart and soul she loved him.

Hef and Crystal split days before their wedding and Crystal was quickly replaced with new entertainment.  Realizing her fame was ending and how replaceable she was, in a recent Howard Stern interview Crystal described an unfortunate sex life with her ex. Ungrateful bitch. I felt enraged. (No, really I did.)  The following conversation occurred.

Julie:  I loath that Crystal Harris.
Kristen: Yeah, she's an idiot.
Julie: NO class.
Kristen:  Hef is a very rich and powerful man. You don't want to mess with him.
Julie:  So ungrateful. You have your perks from Hef and you keep your mouth shut!
Kristen:  ...Can you imagine sleeping with Hef?
Julie: .....I mean, I don't really want to. But it probably wouldn't be that bad.
Kristen: He's not bad looking.
Julie: He's not! He used to be really cute.  Ohmygod I have a game.
Kristen: WHAT?
Julie: Who would you rather sleep with? Ok.   Hef or.... Cee Lo Green?
Kristen:  Hef.
Julie: ME too. Ce Lo has very nice teeth, but he looks kind of sweaty. 
Kristen:  Hef or Bill Gates? One of the richest men on earth.
Julie:.....Hef.  He's still cuter and seems like more fun.
Kristen: Me too.
Julie: Hef or Donald Trump.
Julie and Kristen:  HEF!
Julie:  Donald looks like he would have bad breath. Maybe I do want to sleep with Hef?
Kristen: Ha ha. We would have made awesome "Girls Next Door."
Julie: We would have. And we wouldn't have trash talked Hef when it was over!

I've set it before and I'll say it again. We are a huge asset to society.  
No disrespect is meant to Kendra. I lover her but clicked the wrong photo and Hubs said it was funny and better to put his pic than to keep a real Girl Next Door. 

In a recent crafting adventure, Kristen introduced me to Mod Podge. We were Mod Podging planets onto a chair when the following completely serious conversation occurred:

Julie: If I were a planet I would be Jupiter. Those rings are the best.
Kristen:  So would I...but with diamond rings.
Julie: Yeah and a lot of moons too. Jupiter is a high maintenance bitch. 
Kristen:  I think the Mod Podge fumes are getting to us. 


Thursday, July 28, 2011

I want to hang out in my driveway all day

With a little extra time yesterday morning, I popped out for a quick stroll around 8 a.m. with Brubeck. As we leisurely walked down my street, a toddler toddled down the sidewalk wearing just a pair of swim trunks in front of his house while his extra pregnant mom set up a wooden table with perfectly mismatched chairs in the driveway. His Dad came from around the corner carrying a blue plastic pool. They appeared to be setting up for a fabulous morning. The boy smiled in delight at Bru and exclaimed, "Doggie."

I felt slightly jealous of the fun they would be having while I ventured on to sit in my office for the day. I wondered how long they would enjoy their morning outside and kind of even wished I could be sitting in a cheap blue plastic pool of my own.

Today I found time to sneak in another walk before work again. Wouldn't you know that the table and chairs were set up again, only this time there was a fresh Micheal's bag filled with what I was sure was the supplies for a crafty morning on the table. I felt grouchy and green with envy which is not a good and zen way to feel. All the same, I wanted to be hanging outside doing crafts on a beautiful summer day.

I'm not sure what the Dad does and if he eventually went to work, or if the Mom is just home relishing her last few days as a one child Mom before the second arrives.  I really thought about that.  I might have to go to work, but I kind of secretly might like my job a little bit right now. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.  Even though that woman is at home, she does and is about to have all sorts of stresses and interuptions that I can't even imagine. Maybe her driveway morning isn't actually nearly as relaxing as it looks...?

If you see me chilling in my driveway having my own relaxfest this weekend, you'll know where I got my inspriration. Unfortunately, I think I would look trashy sitting in a childs plastic pool, but maybe I can have table/crafts time outdoors....

***Update: Friday morning, two giant pots of assorted planted herbs were added to the driveway setup. Not bitter. Not bitter at all.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Silent Sunday

Ocean City, Maryland, July 23, 2011


In the t-shirt shop on the boardwalk in Ocean City, I was casually waiting for my sister who was trying on a few pairs of shorts while I gazed at the myriad of decals adorning the ceiling and walls.  I will always remember where I was on this blistering hot day when I heard this tragic news. 

Random sales clerk from Montgomery County who goes to Towson and thinks I go to UMBC because he asked me where I go to school and it seemed like an easier answer to just say that:  (yes, I have no idea why I know so much about this guy after being in the store for 10 minutes...where was I? Oh yeah---)

Towson Boy: Did you hear that singer died?
Me: Who?
Towson Boy: Amy Winehouse
Me: She did?! That's terrible. When?
Cheryl: (peaks head and half of body out from behind dressing room curtain, shorts only half pulled up over her bathing suit) What? Amy Winehouse died?
Towson Boy: Yes she was found in her apartment today.

You can't help but think the obvious. She should have gone to rehab.  Actually, I think she did try on numerous occasions.  I thought Amy was a phenomenal singer.  I loved her amazing voice, heartfelt lyrics,  and watching her dance to her music.  She had an nontraditional style that she stayed true to and she rocked it. 

On the car ride home I told Cheryl I was angry.  This woman was incredibly talented and had all the resources she could possibly need to get better.  Now we will never have more amazing music from her.  But you know what?  We don't know how she died yet.  We all just assume it was drug related. I'm disgusted by the negative facebook status updates.  Maybe I'm not shocked myself that she died, but to treat her death as something that deserved to end and to actually post that she deserved to die is inexcusable. 

No one knows what demons this woman had to battle. The untalented people posting these things will never know what relentless media attention can do to your mind and soul.  Who knows what other troubles, mentally, physically, family, childhood ect., she had to overcome.

I truly hope Amy is resting at peace and signing her heart out.  I'm glad she shared her talent with the world while she could. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Happy Hour Night Notes

A few weeks ago, Kristen, Katie, Brubeck and I decided to go to a casual Thursday night happy hour at Wild Orchid.  As these things often happen, one thing led to another and before you know it, thirteen of us had gathered and were relocated to Metropolitan's rooftop and it was nearing last call. The wine, and a  few shots were flowing and the night note had manifested itself on a cloth napkin. This is either an all time high or all time low. Oops.  Let's go with classy.

The Night Notes, as they were this fine Thursday night. 

Katie:  You can die from detox from alcohol.
Kristen:  That's why I'm still drinking.

Kristen: Is this when you ate all my strawberries?
Julie: I ate all your strawberries and your pasta.

Julie and Kristen: Newman was the least creepy of them all.

Anonymous:  Patrick F. always pretends to be the good guy.

Kristen: (proudly) I have pecs too!

Katie: It's painful to be sore.

Newman:  The plaid bitch!

Newman: Wine, woman and wisdom.  When women drink wine there is not a lot of wisdom.
Kristen: That's a lot of wisdom.
Newman: More like bitches, booze and bitching.

Kristen: Welcome to Annapolis.  Keep your dirty f$&King mouth off our fountains.

Bri: We do not support Newman. Ever.

Kristen: That wasn't an accident.

Julie: I think drunk eyes are hot.

Jud: Grandmere-occur.

Katie: It's pre-sexy back. After nsync, before sexy back.

And there your have it.  Night Notes on a cloth napkin.
I'm not in the mood to get my camera, but feel the need to prove this happened, so here is the evidence taken outside on my computer cam while I sip my afternoon gin and ton.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Silent Sunday

Taking a well deserved breather and enjoying a moment of nothing for the first time in weeks and weeks and weeks...