Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Not Wordless Wednesday

I was all set to to a Wordless Wednesday post.  It was going to be something like this.

Writing buddy. 
Oh my god look how cute Brubeck is, and look how I'm posting a silent post and talking about it as always, defeating the purpose of a "wordless" or "silent" post.  No, but seriously look how cute he is. I just sat on the floor and he positioned himself on the couch with his head right on my shoulder while I was writing!

So that was going to be the post.  Until I got a text at 2:42 a.m. last night.  It said:

"Night Note: are your boobs just forb storage"

Drunks!  On a Tuesday night!  That's ok. It was from my friend Newman and he's on vacation with my friend Katie, because they are dating because I introduced them.  It worked out really well.  So first I was like, Damn, I'm freaking tired.  I don't care about boobs right now.  Then I thought about the question. Technically speaking, are boobs just forb storage?

I've scientifically decided the answer is no. For some, maybe.  I on the other hand do not plan to ever store anything in my boobs.  For me, they are there to make my clothes look better...but not that much better because I don't have a lot going on, which really means it's a good thing I don't plan to use them since they wouldn't store much anyway.

More importantly, I feel like a really important curator.  Sort of like whoever overseas "texts from last night." People were drunk last night. Funny things were said. They felt the need to check in with me.  Let me know something noteworthy happened.  Check in with the old "Night Note Curator."  I take the title very seriously.  I'm thinking about putting it on my resume actually.  Maybe my LinkedIn.

On that note, I'm sorry for wasting your time with a fake Wordless Wednesday post.  Here, look at my puppy again.  It's not like you have a choice.

"Puppy Baby!" (Yeah, that might be how I greet him when I get home. *Hangs head in shame.)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

When a Mockingbird tries to Kill you...

On Sunday, I decided to give the old tree loppers a whirl on a few of the crape myrtle branches that hang over my car, snagging at my hair each morning and throwing all sorts of tree stuff on my vehicle.  After a few snips, I heard a squawk and angry flapping and then a bird darted out of the tree, landed on my house and stared from above. Gulp.  He made a few more sounds and another bird joined him on my house. I'd seen this in a movie once and the outcome wasn't good. With one eye on the bird I made a few more hasty snips before he swooped back into the tree and made mean noises and I scooted across the yard.  That bird was surely threatening me.

I was sure this was my fate.
Just then, my mother in law pulled up, happy at the site of loppers as she's had her eye on trimming that tree for some time.  She gave me the courage I needed to get back in there, and helped me tackle some of the ivy that is viciously overtaking the tree and ultimately killing it. The birds swooped in and out and squawked and threatened. We made a solid game plan of which branches to keep and which would have to go due to death by ivy and called it a night.  The mockingbirds glared from above.

When I got home yesterday, Nat, my mother in law, and a few neighbors were circling below the tree and the mockingbirds and a few smaller bird friends were circling from above.  It was quite the scene.  I brought Brubeck out on a leash and we sat down on the lawn to watch the tree get it's hair cut and the ivy patch below be subdued.  Dogs and owners walked by for visits, new neighbors popped over with tips and ideas and even a pick-up truck to haul away the dead branches. 

It was great to see everyone come together on a busy first night of the week.  We've lived here just over a year and have always been friendly with everyone, but ever since we've had Bru it's like we've been formally accepted. We had puppy school and Bru wasn't going to have time for his evening walk.  A sweet college girl from across the street has a young German Shepherd.  She invited me to bring Bru over to run and burn off some energy in their back yard. He had a great time.

As cheesy as it may be, it's a great feeling watching your whole neighborhood come together for a project spontaneously...and offer support against killer Mockingbirds.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Freebie Five (Yes, of course I mean sex.)

Now that I'm married I have lots of important things to tend to like raising a puppy, trying out new recipes, and keeping a clean house. A wise friend of mine recently commented on a  blog that I was growing up and would be catching baby fever soon. Not going to happen.  Since I happened to have just started working on my Freebie Five list, I decided to post it just to help prove him wrong.  How immature is that?! If you don't remember the Friends episode where they decide which celebrities they are allowed to sleep with given the opportunity, well you'll have to youtube "Ross, Isabella Rosselini" yourself for clarification because the video refuses to attach.

I did a little research this week and I have my official first (un-laminated!) list. I still reserve the right to make changes as I mature.  For now, this is my list IN order.

5. Robert Downey, Jr. - He's a classic. You can't go wrong and all your friends would be jealous.  He's dabbled in a little bit of trouble and made an awesome come back. I bet he's polite and opens doors and stuff.

4. Taye Diggs - I've loved him from the first time I saw "Brown Sugar." He dresses well, is a charmer and you know he's got moves. He would definitely open doors.

3. Matthew McConaughey

    Bradley Cooper

Matthew McConaughey - That's a hard decision there, but you can't have both. Brad's funny, but I need somebody a little less conservative and a little more sweaty.  Somebody who is a bit crazy, and maybe has a southern accent in the good way. MM looks good in and out of clothes.  He's probably not going to open any doors, but he might share his banana smoothie with you-post run.

2. Javier Bardem - Where to begin? I was smitten in Vicky, Christina, Barcelona. If that man asked me to go on an airplane to Oviedo, after I'd just met him during dinner in Barcelona,  I would go in a heartbeat! When he came onscreen during Eat, Pray, Love, my girls and I began to just giggle. Definite door opener.

1. Vin Diesel - I know! Who am I? This is blatant, "insanely deep voice, look at those muscles, you're not even that attractive at all, but your muscles are so very big and large and I would just like to see what you would do to me," sexual attraction. (Whoah, did this just turn into that kind of blog? Oops.) In all seriousness, (because this IS a very serious topic here) skip forward to about the 2:03 mark to witness the precise moment my infatuation with Dominic Toretto began. And here is the pic too. Oh, and he might open your car door.

WOW! Right? No? Whatever, this is MY list.  You go make your own list, then come back and post a comment so we can all judge each other.

Speaking of judging, the same wise friend who said I was growing up also poked fun at the likely fact that Snooki would be attracted to Dominic Toretto. (Because let's be honest, it's the character and the attitude that I adore. I know nothing of actual Vin D.) In my defense, I'm not typically attracted to the "juice head" stereotype and also, there are a lot worse things I could be compared to Snooki for doing in my day.

To further the judgment, I got my friend Kristen in on the act and we decided it was perfectly acceptable to each have a "Cougar Bonus," not included in our five.

Mine is Zac Efron. What? Judge away.

Monday, May 9, 2011

More Adventures in Walks

You might think a walk is a walk, but not in my neighborhood.  After Friday's walking shenanigans I couldn't imagine Saturday could be as adventurous but it was.

First of all, I saw a bunny hopping in the distance.  As we neared, a man in his yard said, "Bunny, are you out again?"  He crouched down low and began to stalk the white and black fur-ball which I then noticed was wearing a pink collar. What?  "Is that your rabbit?" I asked.  He noticed me for the first time and let me know that No, it was his neighbors rabbit and this was the second time it had gotten out today. ---WHAT does this mean?  Do people really put collars on their bunny's? How is this rodent so crafty that it keeps escaping from inside a house?  The man wasn't worried about any of this, just me keeping my puppy away.  Yeah, like that's thats the biggest problem with this scenario.

From there we happened upon a 150 pound Bernese Mountain dog in the school yard field.  It's owner wanted to greet us and before long my boy was tackling her beast of a dog. I love the big gentle giant breeds so it was win win all around.

Next up, we passed through the Navy's stadium parking lot where there was a private party inside.  It seemed the entertainment was warming up outside as a violinist was playing a few notes by his car.  Bru has an endearing way of turning his head to listen intently and the violinist was immediately smitten. He sat down directly in front  of the man and stared with undivided attention while the man played a whole song for us.  The violinist said Bru made his day. The musician was obviously pleased when he discovered my dogs name was Brubeck. Yes, my dog won me a private violin concert performance. What did your dog do for you today?  (Just kidding, I know everyone has fabulous dogs and we all know our own is the best.)

Aside from the normal puppy chewing that is to be expected, there is only one problem with Brubeck.  I wanted a dog that was nice, but looked a little intimidating for protection.  He has a big boy bark already, but people are just drawn to him. He is not intimidating at all. I swear two people at puppy school have said to their annoying dogs, "Why can't you be more like Brubeck?" (I am not making this up.) Everywhere I go people comment on his "sweet face." Maybe that happens to everyone when their dog is still a puppy, but I genuinely think we've got an extraordinary dog here.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Hanging with Older People

Saturday had a way of surprising me with it's unexpected ups and downs as days with uncertain plans often do. I have two ailing Grandmother's and on this particular day, the one who normally is not in the best of mental states cheered me right up from my very hard visit with the first. There was karaoke at the Mother's Day lunch we attended at her assisted living. She was all about singing Patsy Clines "Crazy," well after the party ended.  But only the part where she says, "I'm crazy." Grandma thought the louder the better.  The irony of the situation was obvious, but is it wrong to laugh? Sometimes you just go with it and be happy their happy and laugh at the sadness and mentally make note to go check your calendar when you get home to schedule a date when you plan to check out officially some 40-50 years from now. Dramatic? You have no idea.

On the bright side, upon getting back to Annapolis,  I was chilling on the back porch with Bru enjoying a cold beer. (I know you think I only drink wine, but these days I only drink beer, it's weird, I know.)...(Unless I'm at an Assisted Living Mother's Day Brunch, then I drink cheap champagne out of a plastic cup.) Anyway, I've got my beer and my pup and my Whole Foods take out, and my tipsy neighbor peeks her head over the fence like Wilson in that "Home Improvement" show from the 90's and is all, "You HAVE to come to the party!"

I mean, I could see the party going on a few yards away and it did sound pretty fun, but so did sitting on my deck writing. She said the whole neighborhood was there including my mother in law and roomie. (They live right next door. I know, this sounds crazy, but they are REALLY chill and laid back.) I was a little nervous just barging on over because I hadn't RSVP'd and the average age of said party was about 60 and I'm....not. Tipsy neighbor said she was going to do the wave when she got back over there just for me. And she did. And everyone yelled, "HI JULIE!" So then I felt anti-social and bad, and a little creepy like I was spying on them even though I wasn't.

Eventually, my mother in law came home to feed her dogs and get me to go to the party with her.  The first thing that happened was I was handed a shot.  But not just any shot.  A skinny girl margarita shot out of a shot-glass made of ice. Genius. Cold shots and you don't have to clean up the glasses afterwards. Love it.  Then I realized these Baby Boomers were all wasted! Every single one of them.  Next up, they came out with a whole casserole dish of lime with real mint jello-shots.  Why do I always forget people older than me know how to party.  (Seriously, click that link, it's one of my favorite nights ever.) I have a young pup at home and responsibilities and I'm a proper married lady now so I passed up this 2nd shot.  Who am I kidding?  I wanted a romantic night with Hubs and he was due home in about an hour so I didn't want to get wasted AND in front of my MIL at that!

So that is how I found myself at a Baby Boomer party of drunk characters I don't know on a Saturday night.

Silent Sunday


Go ahead and caption my words/thoughts yourself.  This picture begs of it. While you're at it, caption Kristen too!

I seriously love the crazy look in his eye.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

People outside on Fridays

Remember a few months ago when I had a lot of time on my hands and I started/singing talking to myself? That's sort of happening right now, except I randomly talk and sing to Bru. Like, just now, I went upstairs to take out my contacts and I said, "BRB." (Let's not start on the fact that I do in fact say, brb instead of be right back.)

Yesterday, I needed to grab some laundry from the basement but I wasn't sure if I could trust Bru to stay out of trouble for that amount of time. "Can I trust you to be good while I go downstairs?" He turns his head very innocently at me. "I dooon't think I caaaaan. You look like trouble to meeeee-eeeee, " I sang. "You're going to eeeeeat myyy thiiiings."  In young Brubeck's defense, he did not eat any of my things. This time.

We went for a long walk today and one of my favorite things about Annapolis is that people of all ages take their outdoor drinking seriously.  Who needs an official happy hour location when you can have a glass of rose dripping with condensation on your screened in porch? That's what one elderly couple was doing.  Another not quite elderly yet, but maybe in a few years couple, were doing a little --actually, I have no idea what they were doing aside from wandering around their front yard drinking gin and tonics and talking to me.  For that matter, I don't know why I was in their front yard, but I was.  Was I drinking? Was I drunk?  Am I drunk right now?

On the way back from our walk, my four legged friend was starting to get distracted and not walk properly.  I channelled my inner Cesar Millan and realized I needed to walk more assertively to be pack leader. I picked up the pace and Bru followed suit. I was feeling pretty confident, all hair blowing in the wind, sunny day, looking good in my yoga pants with my well behaved dog and smiling at the young couple walking past me, when a bug flew violently up my nose.  I mean, when does that happen?  I had to stop and snort and snot all over the place and basically fall off my high horse right in front of that cute couple. Guess who's tale was between their legs then.

In closing, I just took this picture of the puppy baby.

It's alright, but OMG, there is a giant spider about to attack him!...I thought when I looked at it.  I jumped up in fear and peered over the coffee table and to my dismay realized the situation was far worse than originally thought. It was a giant beetle/scorpion! I didn't even know those existed in Maryland! It wasn't moving though. I squinted.  It was a close call, but luckily it was just a piece of stuffing from the Bru's favorite goose. Phew!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

A Night at the Dog Park

Friday morning I got up at 5 a.m. to watch the Royal Wedding. (Crazy and uncharacteristic I know.) By noon, I was cranky and tired and longed for an old school Friday night where I would come home, eat Campbell's tomato soup for dinner and watch Indiana Jones II. Only one thing was standing in my way of a night on the couch.  A certain rescue named Brubeck.

As you'll recall, we recently adopted this guy. 

He is an absolute doll but requires serious play time in the evenings to keep him out of trouble. What to do? I had been considering the dog park but was nervous to go for the first time.  Desperate for some chill time after, I decided to give it a go. As we approached the fence, I considered chickening out.  Would the other dogs like Bru? Would they be nice to him? Would he make friends?  What if Bru got into a fight? Worse yet, what if he started it and hurt somebody else?

Young Brubeck made the decision for me. He was so excited I couldn't turn away.  As we entered through the two gates my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking.  Immediately, an enormous husky came in for sniff.  I nearly panicked as Bru tucked his tail between his legs and cowered. Oh dear. I tried to breath deeply and be a confident puppy Mom with a brave face and encourage my boy.  "Go on fella! Go make friends," I said as the huskies Dad came to move him along.  

Bru bee-lined it for a bench where two seventy plus men were sitting and leaped in between them.  I scurried over, shooed him down and they just grumbled at my apology.  I was a little taken back by this. Shouldn't people at the dog park, like dogs?  From there, Bru made his way over to a young couple and sat at their feet.  Well this was getting a little embarrassing.  And pointless. He wasn't burning off any energy. Fortunately, this couple loved him.

Finally, a big Golden Retriever came up and pawed him. They hopped around a little.  Then a super tall Doberman came in for a hello.  Before I knew it, Brubeck was bounding through the huge fenced in field.  It was around this time that I nearly passed out because apparently, I'd been holding my breath.  A woman about my age asked me which one was mine.  I pointed him out and it turned out he was running with her lab mix, and a pitbull mix and the doberman.  I admitted this was our first time and I hoped he would do OK. She and another lady who had the only pup younger than mine just laughed and assured me the dogs love it and need it to behave and not eat your stuff at night.  

Then Bru started to bark.  Oh dear.  The dogs were flying around the field. What should I do?  Was he about to start trouble? Would my baby be hurt? He's only seven months. Is he scared?!?! The other dog Mom's just laughed and said he was fine. He was having a blast. And they were right. I chatted with the other Mom's and decided Bru was done when he first sat on the bench with the Husky Dad and then walked on over to another lady and rolled on his back so she would rub his belly. Charmer I tell you. 

In other Brubeck adventures, he had his first date this weekend, AND went to a bar for the first time! In other words, I went to the Annapolis Food and Wine fest with friends and when we were done with that,  the good people at Stanley and Joseph's didn't mind that Bru and Xena (my friend's Dog) were wrestling on the back patio. 
Seriously, it looks like I photoshopped in those teeth, but I didn't.

My Girls and Me