Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

As Pauly D would say, "Best day of my life."




Prince William getting that dirt off his shoulder. Kate looking all cute. Random girl making it all happen. LOVE IT!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Seasick Crocodiles and a Christmas Movie Confession

I don't understand how people can simply state, "I hate Christmas music."

How can that be? Sure, I don't want to hear a round of Jingle Bells in March, but no matter who is singing Santa Baby, I am going to stop what I am doing and coo out those lyrics. Baby it's Cold Outside, O'Holy Night, Rockin' Around, the Christmas Tree, Last Christmas, Winter Wonderland? What is not to love?!?!

While we're talking Christmas, I have a confession. It occurred to me last year that I loath this new Christmas favorite. Love Actually. It's actually quite horrible and I have taken it upon myself to share with you why.

Horrible:

1.  Professor Snape cheats on Emma Thompson. 
2.  The other girl sleeps with her husbands brother and then he has to fall in love with someone who does not speak english AND he has to jump in the water to get his novel.
3.  Keira Knightly wears that weird wedding dress that they refuse to show us enough of, so we can't decide if we love or hate it and even if you google image it you can't find a proper pic and that is reason enough for bitterness. 
4.  Liam Neelson's wife dies and it's even sadder to watch now, because it later happened in real life.
5.  Billy Bob Thornton kisses Natalie and it hurts Hugh Grant's feelings. 
6.  When Colin moves to Wisconsin, and then there is ugh, just ugh!
7.  OMG LAURA LINNEY. SLEEP WITH THIS ALREADY!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU AND YOUR NOKIA RING TONE?!?


And now for the good stuff. 

1.  Mr. Bean taking forever to wrap the sordid necklace from Snape. He says, "Flashiest of flashes."
2.  The porn stand-ins. (Except when you forget about them, because you ALWAYS do and then you sit down to watch the movie with your parents and there they are all naked and nipples...)
3.  When Hugh Grant does his "I'm Prime M. dance bitches!"


And this is why I continue to watch the movie, year after year while wrapping Christmas gifts. 





Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Who you calling UGG?

A few years ago, Kristen and I were sitting at a bar. These were the days we went shopping weekly for bar outfits and refused to wear the same thing twice.  Shoes have always been a weakness. On this particular evening, we were tending to our dirty martini's like it was our job. (Ok, not unlike most of our evenings in those days.) We saw this girl wearing a adorable sweater dress with fashionable tights, but then it the glamour of it all just faded away as the outfit ended in clunky, chunky, flat boots. It was UGGly. We judged, and stood firm as this look continued to catch on over the next few months and years. (I blame Kate Hudson.) We kept tight in our sky high stilletos, nursing any possible foot pain with alcohol whilst declaring, "REAL WOMAN WEAR HEELS!"

And why wouldn't we? We're professionals who can do anything in the right pair of shoes.

Exibit A: At most weddings, particularly the outdoor variety, shoes are kicked off before the bread is served. Look at us going strong as the sun is setting at this early afternoon outdoor affair.

Exibit B. We can climb brick walls. Nothing can slow us down. The heels help I think.


Exibit C: Clearly we can dance. (And point at our shoes to make sure you notice at the same time)


Exibit D: ...um, we can fall down too.


We were living a life in heels and loving every minute. I can even assure you that until a few short months ago, we were prancing along to work in our fancy heels everyday too. 

Then some things happened. Kristen decided it would be acceptable to wear tennis shoes on the metro and switch at work. I decided it was acceptable to keep proper slippers under my desk at work for mini breaks.  It was all a downward spiral (in more ways than one) to flats from there. 

I started my job in retail. After two weeks it has become apparent that my feet are not going to "get used" to standing all day in heels. Fancy flats won't do either. I was forced to by proper flat shoes with arch support. This weekend we have a huge employee discount. While Kristen and I were confident the trend of Uggs would quickly pass, it seems evident there will be no end in sight. I did some research. I like the story. The craftmanship seems impecable. I decided I would secretly purchase the evil boots, but never ever let my stiletto friend know. 

Last Sunday morning, we met for breakfast. I showed up with my jeans covering my bootstyle regular slippers. It was early and I slipped into the booth without her ever noticing. We talked jobs, babies, life and gossip over breakfast when I decided I must confess to her my intentions to make the purchase this coming weekend. 

To my relief, she revealed from under the table, a black, legging covered leg...that ended with an UGG covered foot...


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Coffee people are different


There is a difference between people who drink coffee, and people who do not. Now, I don't want to say we are better, but maybe we are more passionate. I would go as far as to say I do not trust those who do not enjoy, covet and need coffee in their lives, but that would mean not trusting my husband or mom. And I really like them so I'll let this coffee flaw slide.

The morning I was getting married, my bride brain woke me early. I poked Nat but he was not trying to wake up just yet. We had spent the night at the bed and breakfast and our friends Kurt and Kristi came up the night prior as well to get the party started early. Well, actually, Kristi and I had fallen asleep slightly fearful of the obvious ghost activity in the B&B while the boys did manly things like smoke cigars and drink dark liquor or something?

Anyway, I really wanted breakfast and coffee that morning, so I called my parents. They were absolutely partaking in the B&B breakfast, because really, is anything better? I text Kristi, and Kurt wasn't moving either so we joined my parents immediately.

We sat percolating with excitement as the staff picked me out as the bride for day and popped by our table to offer their congrats. (It might have had to do with my white "Bride" jumpsuit in a dining room of white table clothes, fine silver and china and otherwise appropriately dressed diners that gave me away.) When our waiter came to the table to take our drink order, he had a pot of coffee in hand.

"Coffee or tea?" he politely asked.

In unison, my Dad, Kristi and I immediately snatched our perfectly, proper mugs off the table, desperation in our eyes, hands quivering as we held out our empty cups waiting for him to fill them with that dark, smooth drug. "Coffee pleeeease, yes, coffee, good," we practically grunted, unable to form complete sentences with the goodness so close to being ours. The good man nodding knowingly as he quickly took care of the situation and my sweet mother calmly stated, "I'll have hot tea...whenever you get a chance," she added, giving her coffee crazed companions a look that said we had better start acting right.

It was at that moment when I really saw in action the difference between the ritual of coffee in the morning in comparison other beverages. Mom enjoys her tea. In a normal way. Nat likes Dr. Pepper every morning but he can function before he has it. Not us coffee kids though. Oh, no.

And it gets even stranger. Ok, well this is an extreme, but I am on an Ally McBeal kick, so I will leave you with this. Another extreme:


Friday, November 11, 2011

Why start at the beginning?

...when I can start at the end when it gets good?  Last Friday, was not only my last day at my last job, but my buddy Karla was jumping ship at well. We were useless towards the end of the day. Happy Hour was only hours away and after the painful last few months in an office that was sucking our wills to live, we were much more distracted with nail polish colors, which shoes to wear, getting caffeinated with Starbucks and consoling Kerry, who was still going to be employed at the current establishment on Monday morning.

Finally, 5 o'clock came and the three of us hightailed it out of there and were with drinks in hand mere minutes later. A huge feeling of relief came over me, and then a need to have fun. I could almost remember what it felt like, but I was going to need a few rum and cokes to remind me. It was fun to hang with the girls outside of work. We're all incredibly outgoing so before long we joined forces with another young group of fellas that were also taking Friday night seriously. One of the group was a cutie with potential for Karla, and another just happened to be one of Nat's friends in town from NY. Bonus, because we snapped a pic together and sent it to Nat showing him how much fun we were having. My hubs is not one to partake in nights out on Fridays, but we swindled him right into joining us. (Well hours later when he got off of work.)

Oh, hours later. Yes, our group had grown. We had the good sense to eat dinner. And do some shots. And rejoin the boys. By this time I had invited out my favorite single girl and we had all relocated downtown.  Things were blurry. There was music. It was cold outside, but for the first time in months I felt warm and happy and dare I say, alive? I skipped around from old friends, to new friends to my favorite friend. (The one I married.)

I needed that night. I truly hope it ended the hardest time in my life I have ever experienced. Several months ago, I decided I simply could not bare to do what I was doing for another day. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of options and it took several months to secure something new. Something terrifyingly new. I've done the same thing over and over again work wise and expected different results for years. Who knows if this change will be right for me, but I have very, very high hopes and positive thoughts.

With any luck, Julie is back!!!


Poor quality photo, but can we take a minute to look at how happy I am? This is pure joy and not just because of the rum. 

Oh, and there was one Night Note.

Kerry: Crayon comes off of plate!!!


Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Highlight of October

The year of 2011 has been a stressful one. When Nat told me we were going to spend a few days in the Outer Banks with his family I was beside myself with excitement. We've been invited for years, but never planned ahead to go. I needed this more than I have ever needed a vacation in my life. 

We packed up the pup at 11 p.m. on a Friday night and drove through the night arriving just before 4 a.m.  It was breezy and we sprinted to the beach with excitement for ourselves and to see what Bru would think of the ocean.  

The stay was filled with soul soothing walks of the beach, strong coffee, book reading, cooking and just hanging out with Nat's family. I am a lucky girl.  



Our street. The homes in Pine Island are beautiful!

Bru loving life. He dug so much he had to lie down!



Nat humoured me with a little "1st Birthday Party" for Brubeck 

Life at it's best. 



 

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Sometimes, there are still Night Notes

Several Saturday nights ago, Kristen and I not only went out, we left the state of Maryland. I had to check out a comedy club for work or I assure you my night would have involved pajamas and catching up with Sister Wives on TV.  While Julie/Kristen adventures were once routinely quite dramatic, we're married and low key these days.  We sometimes wonder if we are unhip hermits.

Comedy clubs are not my (our) cup of tea. The last time we went to one, the drunk white "comedian" started making racial slurs before stripping down to his tighty-whities and stumbling through the crowd in Baltimore that had turned on him. It was fairly terrifying in that way when Leonardo DiCaprio does E in Romeo and Juliet. The lights were low, the colors were bright and blurry and I was sure that guns were being held high over heads in slow motion, but we were so drunk ourselves that all we could do was slink down out of our chairs and hide underneath our sticky, alcohol slicked table until it finally occurred to us that we could just leave and that is what we did and successfully, though narrowly avoided the gun fight.

I digress. We put on our fancy clothes and brought a GPS because unlike the days of our past we were going to be respectable, drive ourselves and not be drunkenly passed out in the backseat of Ben's ride when the night was over. All went well on the way there, except for a minor moment when we got slightly turned around. As I calmly cruised under an overpass, church bells or classical music suddenly overtook my vehicle.  Life has been high-stress lately, and for a few scary seconds I thought I had completely lost it. I thought my mind had picked that very moment to check out and I was going to be all eerie vacant smiles on the outside, and manic church bells on the inside indefinitely. Luckily, Kristen heard the unexplained sounds as well, so then life was good again.

We arrived right on time to the classy comedy club. There were white table cloths. Have I mentioned how much I adore white table cloths? I do. We ordered our wine by the glass and our 15 dollar salads, 35 dollar entrees and had no fear of a gun fight this time. We were getting special treatment because the general manger knew I was potentially buying 1,000 tickets for my company. The comedian was actually quite comical. (The female magician who opened was...less than comical.)

The GM gave us a private tour of the club upstairs after the show and we caught the attention of the cute comedian. "Still got it!" we thought. We were feeling pretty confident and proud of ourselves when the night was over...

Enter the elevator. Somehow we ended up in it with Tim Kidd . Now, I consider myself to be pretty smooth. So is Kristen. We can talk to anyone. People like us. So why we picked this moment, when we were looking good and had given the appearance of being all VIP to turn this elevator ride into the most awkward 14 floor trip there ever was is beyond me.

Me: So...big plans tonight Tim Kidd?  (I meant to come off cool and casual was really only chatting with him to be polite, but it came off sounding like, "Want to go have sex?")
Tim Kidd: (monotone) My second show.
Me: (Do'h!) Well I know that... I meant-- after.
Tim Kidd: (he thinks I'm DTF now and looks curious.) ...I don't know. What do you guys do around here? Are you hanging out?
Me: (horrified fear and panic. Turn to Kristen for help. )
Kristen: WE don't know. We don't live here!!!
Tim Kidd: Where do you live?
K and J: Annapolis.
Tim Kidd: I went to Salisbury once.
(crickets)
Julie: ...oh...that's not... really very close to us.
Tim Kidd: ...Oh... What floor are you guys on?
K & J: (suddenly have idea what floor we are on.)
Kristen: We don't know.
Tim Kidd: (looks annoyed. Gets off on the floor we clearly are supposed to get off on as well. No goodbye. No, "Have a nice night." Just walks away as the elevator door slowly shuts and we stand there for several seconds in silence.)


I'm pretty confident we sucked part of his will to live that night with our awkwardness. What is wrong with us? we questioned. Despite our fear of running into Tim Kidd while he waited to start his second show, we braved the hotel bar while waiting to meet up with our friends Brandon and Sandy. (I really want to just start calling them "Brandy" because they are getting married and it just feels right. )

Anyway, they conveniently live a few blocks away from the comedy club so we got a sweet tour of Arlington and the following (brief) night notes occurred.

Kristen: If I were to be a female magician.
Julie: (look)
Kristen:....ok
Brandon: You could see the rat in my brain running.

In conclusion. it's obvious by my lack of posts in general, not to mention the lack of Night Notes that a lot of other stuff in my life has consumed me lately. I'm working on it, and hoping to get back to a new normal very soon!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Then and Now

The mosquitoes are subsiding.  Crunchy leaves fall gently onto my porch. The windows are open and that familiar crisp feeling sneaks in at night.

Fall is upon us. No amount of wishing or remorse for a summer that went by too quickly and all too neglected will change that.  All in good time we'll pick out pumpkins and things that say "Harvest" to put on display in our homes. Everyone is fired up about football and as girls, we physically can not stop ourselves from talking about boots. Is it too soon? It's too soon isn't it? We discuss which boots we plan to wear and with what.  Let us not forget the boots that we have yet to purchase this year!

I awoke earlier than needed by the sound of an explosion or gunshot of some sort this morning.  Nat moved slightly in his sleep and curled around me a little closer obviously unfazed by the noise. The morning air took me back to my elementary years when the first days of fall would make their appearance. Mom would have put flannel sheets on my bed and I had a few dangerously synthetic night gowns that would spark with static electricity in the night against the sheets.  I was often the first to wake up in those days but rather than rise, I would reach for whatever Beverly Cleary, Ramona book I was reading at the time and hunker down for a bit of uninterrupted escape from the trials of my own school work and grade school politics. Eventually, Mom and Dad and Cheryl would wake and we would have toast and eggs and hot Red Rose tea steeped until it was bitter just the way I liked it.  The appreciation of a day off from school did not escape me even then.

This morning I'm channeling my inner childhood Julie. The Ramona book is currently replaced with my laptop for perusing blogs and facebook. A sweet husband sleeps soundly next to me and the dog who is rescuing me snoozes on the floor by our bed occasionally opening one eye to see if it is walk time.  The blissful satisfaction of a day away from work is not lost on me.



Monday, September 5, 2011

I could totally be in law enforcement.

It has been determined that Katie and I are going to write letters. Anyone at Harry Browne's bar on Friday night might know this as I slammed my fist against the bar as I exclaimed it. Not only that, but Katie and I have have developed some radical new safety procedures to implement in this town to keep it safe. It involves hot pink. I'll back up. 

As if an earthquake and hurricane were not enough, last week Annapolis had the fun of tracking down a fugitive who escaped from the court house right by my house. His specialties are drugs, violence, taking things that don't belong to him and rape. Yay. A well rounded criminal. He had attempted to flee from court a few days prior so our law enforcement decided it would be swell to dress him up in a dark green jump suit and assign him one female guard. Obviously, he overpowered her and ran for the nearest neighborhood where he hid in someone's garage for twelve hours. Oh, and said neighborhood still had no power from the hurricane. 

After fighting everyone ounce of my soul  that wanted to put on pajamas, eat a cheese sandwich and watch "Four Weddings," I thought it best fight my agoraphobic urges and go out to dinner with Katie. It worked because when we finished dinner I wanted to go get a drink, so we headed on over to old faithful, Harry Browne's and began our discussion of disasters at hand. 

First up, why did our hardened criminal wear dark green? Were they out of camouflage?  For that matter, why didn't they just dress him up in a business suit? A police uniform maybe? Katie and I think from now on, the crims' (that's new slang you know) get fluorescent hot pink. Nineteen eighties style. And they DON'T get to wear their own clothes under it like in the case of this guy. (Seriously. WTH?!) But the best part? We'll we're still working out the details. We couldn't decide if an alarm would sound if the suit exited the court house, or perhaps it would blast Britney Spears music, or maybe the suit would just blow up like a puffer fish? Again, it would cost money for set up of suits linked to buildings. 

I think I finally narrowed it down.  The suit only moves in slow motion. I don't know what kind of engineer needs to design it but it definitely can't be that difficult. Once the suit tries to move fast, it locks up and becomes rigid. Walking = good. Running = bad. And the faster the person tries to move, the less the suit will move. That's right. Anne Arundel County is going to have their minds blown with they get our letters. They might even make us honorary council woman! (I'm not sure what that means, but mostly that we will get paid the big bucks to make more decisions like these, or at least just a lot of money for this one.)  

Anyway, Night Notes as follows:

9/2/2011
Katie: If I were a fugitive...
Julie: If I were a fugitive, I wouldn't have murdered, robbed and raped. 
Julie: He's my doggies daddy. 
Note to Self: Just stay home with your pajamas and cheese sandwich. 


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I rather enjoy needles in my body...

I'm dabbling in the world of acupuncture these days for a myriad of reasons. Yesterday, I ventured in for the real deal needles-in-my-back appointment.

To get started was told to leave on just my bra and to make sure my skirt was loose enough so she could move it if needed. As I situated myself on the table face down I unzipped and rezipped my skirt numerous times trying to get it just loose enough, but not showing too much thong loose. I gave up when I zipped my skin in the zipper and fretted that she would wonder what kind of kinky things I was into because I had a pinch mark on my ass.

Next up, I put my face in the head rest and conveniently discovered there was an arm rest below. My initial thought was not, "Oh, nice place to rest my hands," but "I bet a lot of people drool on this thing."  Around this time, the doctor arrived and proceeded with needles along my both sides of my spine. She wrapped me in blankets, commented that a few of the needles had turned red, (?!)  turned on soothing music and left me to my experience.

I felt pretty relaxed and smug about being able to chill out at 5:30 in the evening when I'm normally running around all helter skelter stressed. Suddenly, I woke from a bizarre and startling dream about puppet people arguing though I can't quite recall the specifics any longer. I do recall, my loooong stream of drool hanging straight down to that hand rest! CRAP! and also, I knew it! I frantically wiped away at it, sure the Dr. would appear right then. Oh, the shame of it. I wasn't really sure how long I had been there, but while I didn't entirely doze off again, I was by no means entirely alert.

After an undetermined amount of time, she came back and as promised, removed the first needles and replaced them with a few new ones in a different location and quietly walked out. I proceeded back to my twilight zone of half consciousness. I could barely hear the man in the next room rambling on about his stresses in life and his daughter and wife. I felt bad for the acupuncturist who had to deal with him, but decided that is probably what I sounded like at my first visit last week so I let it go and faded back into the zone.

When it was all done, she told me to take my time getting ready. She suggested I might feel a little loopy. As I stood up, I was surprised to see the sun was getting a little lower in the sky. Looking at the clock I was shocked to find over an hour had passed. I walked over to my clothes and stumbled, I was so off balance. In a calm and relaxed way though. I lost interest with clothes at this point and wandered over to the mirror, (no mind I was passing huge window looking over someones back yard) and found that my eye make-up was surprisingly smeared, my face looked unusually relaxed and come to think of it, it felt completely stress free.

It took me longer than normal to button my shirt and gather my things. Nat had called. Had I told him I was going to acupuncture? At the front desk, I was told what to expect in the next few days. She had done a treatment for my shoulder and for sort of an emotional detox, I believe. The next 72 hours could be interesting. She told me to drive safely as I probably felt as though I had a few glasses of wine and was "dopey."

I'm not sure when the last time was that I felt that relaxed. Nat had dinner for me when I got home and we took a gleeful Brubeck for a cool evening stroll. Now that my head was on a little straighter, I practically skipped on our walk. I slept in dream free bliss, though I did not want to get up this morning. My back is cracking in a very satisfying way and my shoulder issue feels much less tense.

Until the journey continues next week, I'll be trying to find times for the good stuff in life and relaxing with my loves.


Monday, August 29, 2011

East Coast Drama

So the earth was shaking and the seas were swirling around these parts in the last week.

Last Tuesday we experienced a 5.8 earthquake.  That was a lot of shakey excitement for Maryland since most of us have never felt a significant quake before. I can say it was neat because to my knowledge while nothing terrible happened, we had a few broken things and open dresser drawers so I feel like we can say we really experienced something.

While media was all, AGH, batteries, ice, non-perishable foods and gas! Pandemonium now! I was like, "YIPPEE!!! Hurricane storm, it's our 6 month wedding anniversary AND Nat has the weekend off!" I promptly proceeded to purchase plenty of perishable foods which worked out really well for me since we never lost power. And in the Julie and Nat household, the TV remotes are the only things we own that run off of batteries so I didn't have to buy those anyway.

In other news, do you ever just assume that your husband doesn't really pay attention to the girly things you do, but then all of a sudden he not only knows exactly what you are up to, but manages to poke fun at you in a really clever way? I had just finished up some in-house yoga Sunday morning when Nat woke up. Brubeck had actually cooperated and watched in curiosity for once rather than his normal, sniff, sniff, paw, bite knock me over routine.  Nat looked up and spied this scene.




"Brubeck is on your Namaste rag." ...Namaste rag?




Sunday, August 21, 2011

Oh HI Hermit, Night Notes!

After the previous Friday nights shenanigans I was on the fast-track back to hermit town.  While I did have a great time out of my house for the first time all summer, the repercussions of my beverages were brutal.  So when Nat asked me this Friday night if I wanted to go out to visit our friend Newman who was working at the Wild Orchid I hesitated. I hadn't seen Newman in months. I would have to forgo my plans of eating a swiss cheese sandwich, wearing pajamas and going to mtv.com to watch Jersey Shore extras...Oh, god. I had to go.  But could I make myself do it?

I looked like this trying to decide.



Full of worry and fret. Eventually, I decided I could do it. I would put on my real pants and apply a large amount of mascara and I would go and drink only a respectable amount of alcohol. I would enjoy going out and mingling with the (gulp)...public.

Nat and I arrived around 11 and there was a drunk psychologist forcefully pushing her knowledge of body language on all the other patrons.  Personally, I felt that was in poor form and rather unprofessional. In addition, I feel her need to blatantly make others nervous that she was looking at them to be a sign of her own insecurities. That and I was jealous of her shiny red shoes.

Eventually, I started to settle in.  I had a glass of red wine and we started to catch up with Newman. The following Night Notes occurred:

Newman: I had to fire him.
Julie: Why?
Newman: He was mean to the bosses wife...you should know about that.
(Do'h! Touche Newman, Touche)

Julie: How many trannies were there?
Newman: I'm going to plead the fifth.
Newman: Tranny Hobitt. Yeah!


Nat: Newman has a short fuse. It's more like a fuss. Just take of the "e."

We only stayed out of a few hours before Nat and I were both ready to venture home.  Getting out of the house was good, but getting back home was good too. I'm going to try to be brave and face the world some more in the next few weeks to secure more night notes blogs. Newman suggested a new feature called, "Night Notes on Night Scrolls" which I think is really just a longer version of a night note, but I'm still entertaining the idea. Right now, I'm really into my new picture feature which I'm pretty sure I can maintain so we'll see how that goes.



Saturday, August 20, 2011

Why Dolly Parton is not to be trusted

Once upon a time back in the early 90's my parents decided to take us to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  We did lots of things on this trip but I'm pretty sure the main event was going to Dollywood. I mean, my Mom likes Dolly Parton, but not base-a-whole-vacation-around-her "like" but I was young so it is the main part of what I remember of this trip.

Anyway, Dolly swears all the rides are kid friendly, and none are too scary but just right. You see where I'm going with this? La de da, carousel, ferris wheels, log flumes, and normal roller coasters. All good stuff. (Come to think of it, ferris wheels and log flumes have always quite terrified me if you want to know the truth. Your all NOT strapped in and flailing about. )

As I was trying to say. First roller coaster. Good stuff.  Second coaster....  Let me start by saying if I were to have a discussion with Dolly Parton in regard to the Death and Terror Coaster of Traumatic and Nightmarish Unfun Fear- the look on my face would look like this.

Everyone is so good with MS Paint Pics accurately describing event emotions. Maybe I'll go with this idea?


Dolly calls the coaster in question, Blazing Fury. It is an indoor ride in the dark that takes you through a burning town. Right? No, but what IS that? People are screaming and crying and cats are definitely dying and it's dark and creepy and NOT fun. So I'm sitting next to my big sister kind of in shock at what I'm seeing but mostly thinking, 'this is really weird' because I'm too young to realize it's actually really twisted when all of a sudden the train takes off  and it's pitch black and there is water spraying in our faces, but we can't see a thing and then we're falling, falling, falling, and again it's dark and I have no idea when it will end but it finally does and then I realize I was so scared I wasn't even breathing much less screaming and it turns out we supposedly just went over a waterfall...Right? WHY is there a waterfall in a burning town and why aren't the towns people putting out the fire with the water?

I regroup my ten year old brain around what just happened, but not for long because now there are fake people coming at the train crying for help and it's even more kinds of wrong when we begin to hear a loud whistle and a bright light starts barreling towards us except really it's the coaster picking up speed and the light is still and I really can't tell what's going on but then I realize it is a train coming right at us and just before we crash, the coaster takes another million second downward hill right under the light and it's pitch black and it seems like it's never going to end and finally it does and I'm thinking, "I really hope this is almost over."

Just when I lean over to tell Cheryl that I'd like to be done with this we are in peril again because we're barreling towards a brick wall that says something really helpful like "Danger." Fortunately, we narrowly avoid this method of death, but unfortunately it is by going under it just in time in another never ending blind downward mountain of terror.

And then it was over.  I was horrified. I couldn't wait to talk about just how horrific it was when Cheryl looks at me with a huge smile. "Wasn't that fun?"

What? No!


Was she out of her mind? Were we even on the same ride? Then my parents met up and they were all, "That was really neat. I've never been on a ride like that before!" All full of glee and giddy. I was still shaking in dismay of everything I'd seen and felt, but when they asked me, I was all...

Never better.  Never better. 



That was the end of that. For a few years anyway.  Believe it or not, we went back to Dollywood like three years later.



 I'd never expressed my negative feelings towards the Blazing Fury coaster and just hoped it would not be there again. But it was. And my silly family wanted to subject themselves to it again. Mom and Dad got on first. Off they went. I was starting to feel a little panicked. Cheryl and I got on and sat down. "Are you OK?" Cheryl asked me. "Iwanttogetoff.Idon'tlikeit."



CLICK. And it was too late. We were off. It was only then, as we slowly rolled through that burning town with the trapped cat that I hyperventilated my hatred towards the ride.  We coasted ever so slowly, closer and closer to the blacked-out never ending hills that evoked such terror to me. I clutched my sisters arm for dear life as we catapulted to or from danger the same three ways once again.  This time, I had so much pent up fear I was visibly shaking (ok, and crying) when we exited this house of horror. My parents were quite confused by my state of distress.

This doesn't normally happen, but I got so carried away with my facial expression pictures, I'm not sure how to end the blog. Um. The End.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I never cease to be amazed...

Without really getting into what I do for work, I wanted to share the following email transaction that I found to be both hilarious and shockingly untactful for lack of a better description.  It begins with an email from a random lady in response to a mass discount email that was sent out by my company. (I have only edited my response to avoid getting into my line of work.)

Random Lady:  email me fee schedules! I want to good services too.

Professional Me: I have attached a generic preliminary sheet so you can get an idea of our fees. Would you like me to prepare one with specific figures?  I would be happy to answer any questions you have and hope to work with you soon. 

Random Lady:  do you have chinese work in your office?

Professional Me:  (Wait. What?  Proceeds to google person while drafting appropriate response in head.)

Random Lady: We will pass since I have much better deals with another two companies, even with $300 discounts.
Good Luck, I know a lot of ________ companies will be out of business next few years, just too many around.
 
Yes, the person who is unable of emailing with proper grammar just wished me good luck and suggested my company may go out of business? I feel a more appropriate response could have been, "Thank you, our current companies still offer lower rates."
 
My favorite part?  Her email signature.
 
"I believe success isn't what we know, but who we know."
 
Fantastic! It's good to not want to be held accountable for making yourself a success but rather to mooch off of others. 
 
For the record, I felt no need to respond. 
 
 

Sunday, August 14, 2011

School, Gin, Night Notes, and Procrastination

After taking several semesters off of school while doing that whole big white dress thing and getting settled into new jobs, the time to hesitate is through.  I have registered for an intense program this fall called Excell.  The short version is that students can earn up to 36 credits in one semester by targeting specific classes they are required to take and writing to prove "life experience."...or something. I'm not sure, even though I have a friend who has done it and discussed it with several advisers, I'm still not positive how it works.

I do know that I'm technically in the program which starts...you know, sometime in the next few weeks and the first order of business is that I peruse the courses I have left to take and write an essay explaining which courses I will be targeting in the program.  Sounds easy enough, right?  We'll I'm sure it will be once I get started.

Wednesday I simply had to do laundry.  And then Thursday, I'm embarrassed to say, well that was Jerzday and before that I needed to vacuum and wander aimlessly around my house for five hours. Priorities. Friday night I really was about to stop playing on the internet.  Really I was.  I was sipping a gin and tonic on my deck and I swear I was reaching for the syllabus when my phone rang and my hand switched directions and answered totally against my will.

It was my good friend Eli who I had not caught up with in ages.  He used to be my roommate and now we literally live less than a mile from each other but I rarely see him.  He said he was walking downtown to Stan and Joes for some live music and I happen to love Stan and Joes and know all the bartenders there so before I knew it, I said I'd leave straight away.

The syllabus fell to the ground in symbolic slow motion. Brubeck looked a me in a rather judgmental way for such a young pup. I assured him I'd only be gone for one and kissed the top of his furry head as I popped out the door.

The thing with Annapolis is that you can never just go to one bar. It's basically impossible to not relocate at least once. After we had discussed Eli's recent honeymoon and various other topics of interest, the band became extra loud and we decided to go to Tsunami. The good news is we ordered sushi, but the bad news is that we also ordered more drinks. Twice.  My plans for 9 a.m. yoga and completing the crucial school project in question before heading to a birthday party the next afternoon were quickly deteriorating.

There is only one Night Note. It is as follows:

Eli: I tell you what I'm going to do. Not go to yoga at 9 a.m.

Sigh.  As previously discussed in painstaking detail I've been quite the non-drinking hermit in my house all summer long.  The memory of the numerous gin and tonics did nothing positive for my Saturday.  When I officially made it out of bed around 3:30 (oh the shame of it) it still look me a solid two hours to get myself in gear to go to the party three hours late.  And nurse an iced tea.

Upon arrival home I had a solid hour before Nat finished work and it would have been a great time to start the project.  I'm pretty sure I spent and extensive amount of time wandering around and petting Brubeck before convincing Nat to watch Eclipse, or whichever is the third Twilight movie.

Julie: Let's watch Twilight. It's good. I swear. Wolves fight.
Nat: Is there nudity?
Julie:.....Yes.

He was totally onto me and dudes with muscles and no shirts does not qualify as his version of 'nudity' however I was still a little pale and ill from my hangover so he obliged.  I will admit the movie wasn't as good as I remembered, but don't tell Nat that.

So now, it's Sunday.  The dog as been walked, I've consumed a bagel and secured coffee.  The house is relatively clean.  There is no reason not to start this school thing. I mean, it really shouldn't take too long. I should just get it done and over with. I'll feel so much better when it's done. Worse case scenario it takes two hours. So really, I have all day to do it, right?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Jersey Shore Thoughts


My husband has taken to calling me a hermit because I just haven't felt like myself lately and therefore have not gone out. You may have noticed the decline in Night Notes. To fill the sober void, today you'll find evidence of the deep and meaningful conversations I partake in. It's really not all that different from an actual Night Note. Typically, I allow myself one really good trash reality show to indulge in at a time. This google chat excerpt is Kristen and me discussing our favorite orange GTL'ers in painful detail last Thursday before the premier.


Julie:  I just watched the trailer for Jersey Shore. SO excited. Im  also such a loser
Kristen: Ha ha ha. I think I will probably start watching it and then get bored halfway through the season, which is what I did last year. It is set to record though!
 Julie: no way dude. i had not seen the trailer until now and it looks amazing!
  Did you know there are going to be fights?!?!?!
Kristen: ha ha ha ha I saw one where they had the situation on a stretcher?
  something ridic like that
 Julie: I KNOW!
  although i thought it was ron, but yes, it does make more sense for it to have been mike.  It looks like those two are going to get in a real fight
Kristen: i like ronnie (insert face of shame)
 Julie: ............
Kristen: ha ha ha. i know!
 Julie: i dont think i can be your friend.....for real
Kristen: i hate mike
 Julie: TEAM SAMMI!!!! (I mean, if we're talking Ron and Sam)
Kristen: she's a whiny beyotch
 Julie: Yeah, but Ron is a dick
Kristen: but she is sweet sometimes. no, i am talking ron vs the other guys
Julie:  um,....no i like Mike more. But obv Pauly D and Vinnie are the best ones
  and Ronnies is not bad looking but I really dont like how he scrunches his nose when he laughs
 Kristen: Vinnie...BARF I'd do ronnie and pauly
 Julie: (..you do realize this is going to have to be a blog post about us contributing to society again right?)
Kristen: ha ha ha
 Julie: AND DON'T SAY BARF!
  and STOP LIKING RONNIE!
  I HATE him!
Kristen: ha ha ha ha i think vinnie is so ug!!
 Julie: he is not, i mean hes a little pale
  and he does do that eyebrow thing that is annoying
  but he is sort of nice, and funny
Kristen: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=vinnie+jersey+shore&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=sQQ&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1024&bih=613&tbm=isch&tbnid=RCSn198lBm47uM:&imgrefurl=http://jerseyshoreleak.com/index.php/jersey-shore-images/%253Falbum%253D2%2526photo%253D79&docid=7KGUe9Eg1qd-XM&w=600&h=400&ei=EgU7Tqb9GoXX0QGzsfmxAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=516&vpy=324&dur=325&hovh=127&hovw=190&tx=117&ty=182&page=3&tbnh=123&tbnw=183&start=29&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:29
  does that show up ?
  vinnie is clearly the ugliest and, also, his eyes are overly groomed.
  *eyebrows
 Julie: ok, his eyes are in fact overly groomed
  however Ronnie has Dr. Suess hairs
  *hair
Kristen: ha ha ha his hairs are awful
 Julie:  i also have a suspicion that he shaves part of the top of his forehead

And there you have it. The world is lucky to have us.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I would have been a great Girl Next Door

In order to do this post, I have a shame worthy confession.  I adore the original "Girls Next Door" with Holly, Bridgette, Kendra and Hef. It's true. It's a guilty pleasure I find highly entertaining.

When Hef and the original three split, I boycotted the new show staying loyal to my girls and scoffing at the gold digging twins and wannabe Crystal Harris. "TEAM HOLLY," I secretly rallied in my head.  I truly believe with all my heart and soul she loved him.

Hef and Crystal split days before their wedding and Crystal was quickly replaced with new entertainment.  Realizing her fame was ending and how replaceable she was, in a recent Howard Stern interview Crystal described an unfortunate sex life with her ex. Ungrateful bitch. I felt enraged. (No, really I did.)  The following conversation occurred.

Julie:  I loath that Crystal Harris.
Kristen: Yeah, she's an idiot.
Julie: NO class.
Kristen:  Hef is a very rich and powerful man. You don't want to mess with him.
Julie:  So ungrateful. You have your perks from Hef and you keep your mouth shut!
Kristen:  ...Can you imagine sleeping with Hef?
Julie: .....I mean, I don't really want to. But it probably wouldn't be that bad.
Kristen: He's not bad looking.
Julie: He's not! He used to be really cute.  Ohmygod I have a game.
Kristen: WHAT?
Julie: Who would you rather sleep with? Ok.   Hef or.... Cee Lo Green?
Kristen:  Hef.
Julie: ME too. Ce Lo has very nice teeth, but he looks kind of sweaty. 
Kristen:  Hef or Bill Gates? One of the richest men on earth.
Julie:.....Hef.  He's still cuter and seems like more fun.
Kristen: Me too.
Julie: Hef or Donald Trump.
Julie and Kristen:  HEF!
Julie:  Donald looks like he would have bad breath. Maybe I do want to sleep with Hef?
Kristen: Ha ha. We would have made awesome "Girls Next Door."
Julie: We would have. And we wouldn't have trash talked Hef when it was over!

I've set it before and I'll say it again. We are a huge asset to society.  
No disrespect is meant to Kendra. I lover her but clicked the wrong photo and Hubs said it was funny and better to put his pic than to keep a real Girl Next Door. 



In a recent crafting adventure, Kristen introduced me to Mod Podge. We were Mod Podging planets onto a chair when the following completely serious conversation occurred:

Julie: If I were a planet I would be Jupiter. Those rings are the best.
Kristen:  So would I...but with diamond rings.
Julie: Yeah and a lot of moons too. Jupiter is a high maintenance bitch. 
Kristen:  I think the Mod Podge fumes are getting to us. 

 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I want to hang out in my driveway all day

With a little extra time yesterday morning, I popped out for a quick stroll around 8 a.m. with Brubeck. As we leisurely walked down my street, a toddler toddled down the sidewalk wearing just a pair of swim trunks in front of his house while his extra pregnant mom set up a wooden table with perfectly mismatched chairs in the driveway. His Dad came from around the corner carrying a blue plastic pool. They appeared to be setting up for a fabulous morning. The boy smiled in delight at Bru and exclaimed, "Doggie."

I felt slightly jealous of the fun they would be having while I ventured on to sit in my office for the day. I wondered how long they would enjoy their morning outside and kind of even wished I could be sitting in a cheap blue plastic pool of my own.

Today I found time to sneak in another walk before work again. Wouldn't you know that the table and chairs were set up again, only this time there was a fresh Micheal's bag filled with what I was sure was the supplies for a crafty morning on the table. I felt grouchy and green with envy which is not a good and zen way to feel. All the same, I wanted to be hanging outside doing crafts on a beautiful summer day.

I'm not sure what the Dad does and if he eventually went to work, or if the Mom is just home relishing her last few days as a one child Mom before the second arrives.  I really thought about that.  I might have to go to work, but I kind of secretly might like my job a little bit right now. Shhh! Don't tell anyone.  Even though that woman is at home, she does and is about to have all sorts of stresses and interuptions that I can't even imagine. Maybe her driveway morning isn't actually nearly as relaxing as it looks...?

If you see me chilling in my driveway having my own relaxfest this weekend, you'll know where I got my inspriration. Unfortunately, I think I would look trashy sitting in a childs plastic pool, but maybe I can have table/crafts time outdoors....


***Update: Friday morning, two giant pots of assorted planted herbs were added to the driveway setup. Not bitter. Not bitter at all.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Silent Sunday

Ocean City, Maryland, July 23, 2011


Amy

In the t-shirt shop on the boardwalk in Ocean City, I was casually waiting for my sister who was trying on a few pairs of shorts while I gazed at the myriad of decals adorning the ceiling and walls.  I will always remember where I was on this blistering hot day when I heard this tragic news. 

Random sales clerk from Montgomery County who goes to Towson and thinks I go to UMBC because he asked me where I go to school and it seemed like an easier answer to just say that:  (yes, I have no idea why I know so much about this guy after being in the store for 10 minutes...where was I? Oh yeah---)

Towson Boy: Did you hear that singer died?
Me: Who?
Towson Boy: Amy Winehouse
Me: She did?! That's terrible. When?
Cheryl: (peaks head and half of body out from behind dressing room curtain, shorts only half pulled up over her bathing suit) What? Amy Winehouse died?
Towson Boy: Yes she was found in her apartment today.

You can't help but think the obvious. She should have gone to rehab.  Actually, I think she did try on numerous occasions.  I thought Amy was a phenomenal singer.  I loved her amazing voice, heartfelt lyrics,  and watching her dance to her music.  She had an nontraditional style that she stayed true to and she rocked it. 

On the car ride home I told Cheryl I was angry.  This woman was incredibly talented and had all the resources she could possibly need to get better.  Now we will never have more amazing music from her.  But you know what?  We don't know how she died yet.  We all just assume it was drug related. I'm disgusted by the negative facebook status updates.  Maybe I'm not shocked myself that she died, but to treat her death as something that deserved to end and to actually post that she deserved to die is inexcusable. 

No one knows what demons this woman had to battle. The untalented people posting these things will never know what relentless media attention can do to your mind and soul.  Who knows what other troubles, mentally, physically, family, childhood ect., she had to overcome.

I truly hope Amy is resting at peace and signing her heart out.  I'm glad she shared her talent with the world while she could. 


Monday, July 11, 2011

Happy Hour Night Notes

A few weeks ago, Kristen, Katie, Brubeck and I decided to go to a casual Thursday night happy hour at Wild Orchid.  As these things often happen, one thing led to another and before you know it, thirteen of us had gathered and were relocated to Metropolitan's rooftop and it was nearing last call. The wine, and a  few shots were flowing and the night note had manifested itself on a cloth napkin. This is either an all time high or all time low. Oops.  Let's go with classy.


The Night Notes, as they were this fine Thursday night. 

Katie:  You can die from detox from alcohol.
Kristen:  That's why I'm still drinking.

Kristen: Is this when you ate all my strawberries?
Julie: I ate all your strawberries and your pasta.

Julie and Kristen: Newman was the least creepy of them all.

Anonymous:  Patrick F. always pretends to be the good guy.

Kristen: (proudly) I have pecs too!

Katie: It's painful to be sore.

Newman:  The plaid bitch!

Newman: Wine, woman and wisdom.  When women drink wine there is not a lot of wisdom.
Kristen: That's a lot of wisdom.
Newman: More like bitches, booze and bitching.

Kristen: Welcome to Annapolis.  Keep your dirty f$&King mouth off our fountains.

Bri: We do not support Newman. Ever.

Kristen: That wasn't an accident.

Julie: I think drunk eyes are hot.

Jud: Grandmere-occur.

Katie: It's pre-sexy back. After nsync, before sexy back.

And there your have it.  Night Notes on a cloth napkin.
I'm not in the mood to get my camera, but feel the need to prove this happened, so here is the evidence taken outside on my computer cam while I sip my afternoon gin and ton.



Sunday, July 10, 2011

Silent Sunday

Taking a well deserved breather and enjoying a moment of nothing for the first time in weeks and weeks and weeks...


Friday, June 24, 2011

AM I losing my mind?

My friend Jen and I have been trying to get our pups together for the once monthly "Yappy Hour" event downtown.   This week after we confirmed we could both go, she realized that she had to drop her boy off at boarding since she was going away in the morning but decided she would still go with me and Bru anyway.  Last night I noticed Bru's eye was a little red.  We decided it must be from swimming and we would keep our own eyes on his.  Morning time? He's fine.

I rushed in the door at 5:15 this evening exclaimed, "Let's go Bruby!!!!  We're going to Yappy hour! You're going to love it!"  He was really excited. We thought it was best to walk since I would be drinking and he can't drive.

Twenty minutes later we were there and I got in line for my beverage but Bru was being all weird and pawing at his face.  I told him to stop embarrassing me. He got distracted and mingled with an enormous Newfoundland for a bit.  We made our way through the crowd and this lady was all, "Oh, he's so sweet.  And look at that winky eye?" Everyone tells me he is so cute and while I was confused about the wink thing I figured she just had too much to drink already.  She seemed a little drunk.

I went inside to get some cash and that's when I really looked at Bru's face for the first time this evening. His eye was swollen almost shut! I completely panicked and started talking to him about how we had to leave immediately and I was SO sorry I hadn't noticed sooner.  A sweet man walked by and told me I had a good looking dog.  Near tears, I told him we had to go because he had an eye infection and I can't believe I hadn't noticed sooner.  The man seemed really concerned, (about me, not Bru) and assured me Bru would be ok. I started to cry.

Bru and I ran outside and I called Jen telling her she wasn't going to believe this.  She said not to worry and we kind of laughed since she had in fact made an emergency vet run with her guy this week too.  I tried to jog with Bru but it was like 85 degrees outside and I basically had to tug him along which is when I realized it was clearly a viral infection and he probably had a temperature and was bordering on having a seizure. (Obviously.) I called my mother in law to get the vets number to call on our walk home, but they would not see him until morning and had the audacity to say they could tell I was upset and if it seemed to get worse I could take him to the emergency vet. I mentally started writing the scathing letter I planned to send to them in my head.

My mother in law called a few minutes later and said to bring him by and she would take a look to see if she thought he could wait or not.  I felt relieved to have help in my fur-babies fate.  But what's that?  His face looked kind of back to normal.  In fact,  had I imagined it?  No, the other happy hour people were commenting.  Pat took one look at him and said it looked slightly pink but other than that he seemed fine.

Seriously. I have no idea how he went from total half shut swollen wonk eye, seriously illness dog to perfectly healthy two eyed dog in a matter of of 20 minutes.  My biggest concern now? What am I going to tell the vet now? I've already called them once, (ahem three other times) for random questions.  Clearly, I come off as a total nut job.

And this my friends, is only one of the reasons I could never have a real kid.



Saturday, June 18, 2011

Do these look like Mom pants?

After an overly successful shopping trip at good old Marshall's earlier this week, the following interaction occurred between the cashier and me.


Cashier with ample bosom adorned with tattoo: Do you think it would be appropriate to get a green lantern for my 7 year old son?

Me: (looks around to see if she is really talking to me.) : Um,...what?

Cashier with ample bosom adorned with tattoo:  Do you think it would be appropriate to take my son to see the movie "Green Lantern?"

Me: (Brief image of Ryan Reynolds all green runs through my mind. Becomes side tracked with thoughts of Ryan's wash board abs. Quickly jerks back to reality as ample bosom lady has stopped ringing up my items and is waiting for an answer. ) Oh...What is it rated?

Cashier with ample bosom adorned with tattoo: PG-13.

Me: And your son is 7?

Cashier with ample bosom adorned with tattoo: Yes.

Me: (Wonders if this lady is serious. Why is she asking me parenting advice?  Start to question my purchases. Did I accidently buy Mom khakis? No, that's surely not it.  Is she just making small talk? Why didn't she just ask about the weather or tell me how non-mommy my khaki capris are like a normal person?  She's being so nice it would be bitchy to say it would probably be fine to take her son to see the movie in 6 years when he is 13 because isn't that what PG-13 means after all?  Realize I haven't said anything for an extended period of time. ) Well I'm sure it would be fine if you are going to be with him. Then if he has any questions you can discuss it with him afterwards. (There! That sounded very intelligent and reasonable. I feel pretty proud of my answer.)


Cashier with ample bosom adorned with tattoo: Yeah. That's true.


Me: Yeah. He'll be fine. Good luck!  (I have no idea what that movie is about.  )

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Deep Conversations with Julie and April

The following is an actual g-chat conversation between my best friend and me a few weeks ago where we discuss the complexities of making it big on the tails of the youtube hit, "Friday."  It's clear to me that we are a big asset to society...

April: I seriously need to work but have you seen this? Rebecca Black, Friday   It's ridic, hilar, and catchy

me : been knowing about that, SO catchy

April: i figured --I don't do the youtube thing but this is just so freaking funny

me: even though its SOOOO bad

April: sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad!

me:damn, but now its going to be in my head again

April:couldn't be worse, i wanted to share the torture

me: that video was mad drama like a month ago, there are just so many questions, ok, mostly just the one, why is she driving around with her 13 year old friends...in a car?

April: and which seat do I choose??

me: on a fridaaay, fridaaay,...after she ate her cereal?
ok, my other question is why is it so catchy when its SOOOOO bad...you know her parents spent a couple thousand for her to make the video? Oh, and that rap guy?

April: ......Because its Friday!!!!

me :oh right, it IS because its Friday

April: and really everyone does look forward to the weekend! so everyone can relate!

me: especially ON a Friday

April:  esp! she's had like 150 million views! ....I guess I've been like 5 tho

me: and I've been a couple as well. *hangs head in shame....maybe we can come up with somethign catchy

April: maybe we can, that everyone can relate to

me: so...Wednesday is out?

April: hump day?

me:"WTF Wednesday?" - it used to be a big deal until I got old and was no longer able to hang on Wednesdays, and "throw in the towel thursday" got real.

April: It can't be negative or pessimistic or it won't work, everyone looks forward to summer,or spring, flowers blooming,  the beach? Friday is every week tho,.....seriously every week people look forward to Friday. It can't be beat

me: what about....SATURDAY?!?! Saturday is WAY better than friday...unless you are hungover from Friday

April: Friday is all about the anticipation

me: thats where it gets tricky, you are right, there is NO anticipation for Saturday

April: by the time Saturday is here you're over it

me: people always be saying, "is it Friday yet?"

April: Okay I seriously need to do some work or I won't be able to leave!on FRIDAY! FRIDAY

me:not on FRIDAY? but you must leave early on Friday friday

April: ...maybe we can make an adult version

me: yeah, adult mostly just means alcohol prob,right?

April: I'm pretty sure they had alcohol...

me: they did? oh dear. how will we upstage them then?

April: i mean how do you "party" without alcohol

me: did they have the sex?

April: I didn't see sex

me: we'll the add sex!

April: leaving work early and sex --we got it!

me: oooooh, that IS it

"leaving early, early, early
going to have some sex"

same beat and everything!

(i feel a blog coming on.)

April: we have to stop I'm looking like a fool cracking up at my desk

me: ha ha ha, but it doesnt matter, we're about tomake it big!

April: not rofl but cuamd

me: wait...what is cuamd?

April: cracking up at my desk

me: ha ha ha, me too

April's new status message - MUST. DO. WORK! 10:30 AM

April:okay. don't talk to me or you might interrupt my working.

Friday, June 10, 2011

PIVOT!!!

Nat and I are getting rid of basically every big item we own.  The couches, the kitchen table, dressers, ect.  If you read the last post you can pretty much put the pieces together and guess that we're inheriting all of Grandmere's furniture. It's bittersweet obviously, but I'm trying to focus on the upgrade. The current project/distraction is moving everything out. This means posting things on craigslist to sell on the cheap and hope the people don't chop you up when they come to get them. 

It's hard to coordinate mine and Nat's schedules and well, my four legged friend isn't exactly intimidating just yet so he would be of no protection.  The first guy came this evening and I was sure right away I was going to get out alive and he wasn't going to steal all the rest of my things. We had great luck with the first dresser.  By the second we had chatted a little and I'd even sold him on the futon. The relocation of the long dresser proved to be tricky. It was a "pivot" situation.  I put on my best Ross from Friend's impersonation and was all  "Pivot, Pivot, PIVOT!!!" And the guy was like, "Turn, Turn, Turn!" Fortunately, we had much better luck than Ross and nobody got stuck or crushed, and the best part was that nobody got chopped up!

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around things and come to terms with life and death and all that.  In the not so far back on my mind, it's right there every minute of everyday.  The weekend plan is a day at the pool with my best friend. Sun, wine, vit d and a little down time are starting to warm my spirits just thinking about it.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Trying to sort it all out

With the first truly hot days of summer upon us, I broke down and turned on the air conditioning after a long walk with Brubeck.  Sticky with sweat and physically and emotionally beat after my tear filled walk I took a cool soothing shower.  The air had kicked in by the time I got out and my muscles had relaxed. I felt comforted by the familiar relief. It reminded me of summers spent with my Mom while my sister was working or out with friends.We would swing by the Amish farm and pick up homemade ginger bread. She would take me to the library and being the odd kid that I was, I would often read books under my bed thinking my hideaway was most clever.  It was cool and dark while I read Sweet Valley and Babysitters Club books by the armful.   This weekend I wished I could go back to those more simple, innocent, carefree times if only for a few days when all was right with the world.

My beloved Grandmother passed away on May 27th.  After an impressive battle with numerous forms of cancer over the last decade, I'm searching for comfort in that she is at peace. She taught me more than I could ever share, and I love her more than words could ever fully express. She never stopped living life to the absolute fullest, teaching polka dance, crocheting elaborate blankets, helping me plan my wedding and being an inspiration to everyone she met. Family, her friends, my friends, even her doctors fell in love with her instantly. It seems the whole world should stop moving and morn this tremendous loss. I don't know how long it will feel take for me to stop feeling like the breath is repeatedly knocked out of me all day long and wondering how it is even possible that she is gone.  I do know I am so lucky to have had her as my Grandmother.

Grandmere

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Not Wordless Wednesday

I was all set to to a Wordless Wednesday post.  It was going to be something like this.

Writing buddy. 
Oh my god look how cute Brubeck is, and look how I'm posting a silent post and talking about it as always, defeating the purpose of a "wordless" or "silent" post.  No, but seriously look how cute he is. I just sat on the floor and he positioned himself on the couch with his head right on my shoulder while I was writing!

So that was going to be the post.  Until I got a text at 2:42 a.m. last night.  It said:

"Night Note: are your boobs just forb storage"

Drunks!  On a Tuesday night!  That's ok. It was from my friend Newman and he's on vacation with my friend Katie, because they are dating because I introduced them.  It worked out really well.  So first I was like, Damn, I'm freaking tired.  I don't care about boobs right now.  Then I thought about the question. Technically speaking, are boobs just forb storage?

I've scientifically decided the answer is no. For some, maybe.  I on the other hand do not plan to ever store anything in my boobs.  For me, they are there to make my clothes look better...but not that much better because I don't have a lot going on, which really means it's a good thing I don't plan to use them since they wouldn't store much anyway.

More importantly, I feel like a really important curator.  Sort of like whoever overseas "texts from last night." People were drunk last night. Funny things were said. They felt the need to check in with me.  Let me know something noteworthy happened.  Check in with the old "Night Note Curator."  I take the title very seriously.  I'm thinking about putting it on my resume actually.  Maybe my LinkedIn.

On that note, I'm sorry for wasting your time with a fake Wordless Wednesday post.  Here, look at my puppy again.  It's not like you have a choice.

"Puppy Baby!" (Yeah, that might be how I greet him when I get home. *Hangs head in shame.)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

When a Mockingbird tries to Kill you...

On Sunday, I decided to give the old tree loppers a whirl on a few of the crape myrtle branches that hang over my car, snagging at my hair each morning and throwing all sorts of tree stuff on my vehicle.  After a few snips, I heard a squawk and angry flapping and then a bird darted out of the tree, landed on my house and stared from above. Gulp.  He made a few more sounds and another bird joined him on my house. I'd seen this in a movie once and the outcome wasn't good. With one eye on the bird I made a few more hasty snips before he swooped back into the tree and made mean noises and I scooted across the yard.  That bird was surely threatening me.

I was sure this was my fate.
Just then, my mother in law pulled up, happy at the site of loppers as she's had her eye on trimming that tree for some time.  She gave me the courage I needed to get back in there, and helped me tackle some of the ivy that is viciously overtaking the tree and ultimately killing it. The birds swooped in and out and squawked and threatened. We made a solid game plan of which branches to keep and which would have to go due to death by ivy and called it a night.  The mockingbirds glared from above.

When I got home yesterday, Nat, my mother in law, and a few neighbors were circling below the tree and the mockingbirds and a few smaller bird friends were circling from above.  It was quite the scene.  I brought Brubeck out on a leash and we sat down on the lawn to watch the tree get it's hair cut and the ivy patch below be subdued.  Dogs and owners walked by for visits, new neighbors popped over with tips and ideas and even a pick-up truck to haul away the dead branches. 

It was great to see everyone come together on a busy first night of the week.  We've lived here just over a year and have always been friendly with everyone, but ever since we've had Bru it's like we've been formally accepted. We had puppy school and Bru wasn't going to have time for his evening walk.  A sweet college girl from across the street has a young German Shepherd.  She invited me to bring Bru over to run and burn off some energy in their back yard. He had a great time.

As cheesy as it may be, it's a great feeling watching your whole neighborhood come together for a project spontaneously...and offer support against killer Mockingbirds.