(Warning, I am sleep deprived and emotional.)
...and I'm never going down there again. Mum has been the word this week when I fell ill after Kristen's INSANE bachelorette weekend in New York City. I was in bed from Sunday afternoon until Thursday morning when I forced my still exhausted body to work and to the rehearsal dinner. (A fantastic time was had there too!)
In a daze I just wandered downstairs to grab some towels for my house guests this weekend and noticed one of our many friendly crickets out of the corner of my eye. Except, it was NOT a friendly cricket! It was the violent and aggressive poisonous Brown Recluse spider known to frequent Maryland. (I know this because I grew up in St. Mary's County. I planned to tell Nat straight away and impress him wiht my spider knowledge which I knew he would doubt upon his arrival home.) So anyway, I froze in terror. It was a standoff. I needed those towels but I could not walk past this prowling predator. I ran upstairs and grabbed my camera and Nat's shoe. While I tried to photograph my opponent from a safe distance, he began to move. I hissed expletives and took aim. Obviously, I missed. The spider lunged towards me and I realized then I was in my bare feet. I grabbed a long handled feather duster (where did that come from?) and used even more unlady like profanity, while flailing ungracefully and unsuccessfully at this enemy. He darted into some vacuum cleaner wires and I wacked at him some more while my camera which was still dangling around my neck banged against my side. Surely I was a sight. He faked death and curled in a ball but then darted towards the water heater. B@$%@&#!!! My last swing at him sent him flying in the air and to my horror, to safety.
I stood in still anguish at my defeat and shook violently in fear. This spider is not going to be happy in the future.
In short, if you are staying at my house this weekend, bring your own towel. Mine are being held hostage in the basement otherwise known as Brown Recluse Land.
Upon Nat's arrival home, he insisted my Recluse was probably just a Wolf spider. I put on some shoes and started back into Recluse territory but did not have to go far since the spider WAS ON HIS WAY UP THE STAIRS TO SEEK REVENGE!!! In the end, it may have turned out that he was in fact a mild tempered Wolf type upon further google image research. Don't worry house guests. Nat has "taken care of the situation" and we are again a spider free environment.