Friday, September 3, 2010

There's a spider in the basement...

(Warning, I am sleep deprived and emotional.)


...and I'm never going down there again.  Mum has been the word this week when I fell ill after Kristen's INSANE bachelorette weekend in New York City. I was in bed from Sunday afternoon until Thursday morning when I forced my still exhausted body to work and to the rehearsal dinner. (A fantastic time was had there too!)

In a daze I just wandered downstairs to grab some towels for my house guests this weekend and noticed one of our many friendly crickets out of the corner of my eye.  Except, it was NOT a friendly cricket! It was the violent and aggressive poisonous Brown Recluse spider known to frequent Maryland. (I know this because I grew up in St. Mary's County. I planned to tell Nat straight away and impress him wiht my spider knowledge which I knew he would doubt upon his arrival home.) So anyway,  I froze in terror.  It was a standoff. I needed those towels but I could not walk past this prowling predator. I ran upstairs and grabbed my camera and Nat's shoe. While I tried to photograph my opponent from a safe distance, he began to move.  I hissed expletives and took aim.  Obviously,  I missed.  The spider lunged towards me and I realized then I was in my bare feet.  I grabbed a long handled feather duster (where did that come from?)  and used even more unlady like profanity, while flailing ungracefully and unsuccessfully at this enemy. He darted into some vacuum cleaner wires and I wacked at him some more while my camera which was still dangling around my neck banged against my side. Surely I was a sight. He faked death and curled in a ball but then darted towards the water heater. B@$%@&#!!! My last swing at him sent him flying in the air and to my horror, to safety.

I stood in still anguish at my defeat and shook violently in fear. This spider is not going to be happy in the future.

In short, if you are staying at my house this weekend, bring your own towel.  Mine are being held hostage in the basement otherwise known as Brown Recluse Land.

***UPDATE***
Upon Nat's arrival home, he insisted my Recluse was probably just a Wolf spider.  I put on some shoes and started back into Recluse territory but did not have to go far since the spider WAS ON HIS WAY UP THE STAIRS TO SEEK REVENGE!!!  In the end, it may have turned out that he was in fact a mild tempered Wolf type upon further google image research. Don't worry house guests.  Nat has "taken care of the situation" and we are again a spider free environment.

8 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's better to sneak up on the little critters rather than making a big hullabaloo. Trap it in an upturned glass and defenestrate it.

Jeff said...

Gee Jules your house is dangerous :-) You better check that Mr. Spider was not a Mrs. Spider and has a web somewhere in the dark corner with hundreds of baby spiders just waiting for revenge !!

One Blonde Girl said...

I lived in a townhouse in Virginia for a bit and experienced the same scariness whenever I had to venture into the basement. I always carried a weapon with me (usually a broom, which is probably the only time that thing ever got used.) You would think some genius would market a tool for spider killing (You're welcome, person who read this and thought, "that's brilliant". Please remember me after you've made millions. Or before. I like money in any denominations).

Nicki said...

OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!!!! Go to facebook and click me for a friend request (only if you want..Nicki Ditch).

THIS SAME EXACT THING HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY except I was at the firehouse and it wasn't in my basement and my hubbie has a different name and I didn't try to kill it. Okay, there are some differences but whatever. I was at the firehouse and saw this spider and I freaked. I took a pic of it then ran and got a man. Cuz that is what women are supposed to do when faced with this situation, right? I was positive it was a brown recluse and was told on Facebook (yes, I posted it) that it was a Wolf Spider. HOW FREAKY IS THAT? Anyway, ours is dead thanks to a steel-toed boot.

Eva Gallant said...

Ugh! I detest spiders and all other insects! Brave girl, going after it yourself!

Sir Thomas said...

wow well if it was a wolf spider make friends with it so it can kill all the recluse ones... yuck.. i hate those ones... The wolf all he can do is bite you... like a zombie but its just a bite...

the recluse is bad news...

Jeremy said...

You know I've been spending too much time with my 2 year old when every time I read the title of this entry it is set to a song from Yo Gabba Gabba....

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Should not have read this ... should not have read this ... should not ... hmm. So, not so good with the spiders over here. NOT A FAN. We in MD too, our basement gets "spidery" *(ahhH!) in Sept and Oct. Had the exterminators come and it sort of helped. Good luck with them.