Friday, August 13, 2010

Rubber Boobs and Jersey Shore

It was all Gym, Tan, Laundry, Shades Indoors, and Rubber Boobs in the hot tub last night on Jersey Shore but I mostly want to discuss the rubber boob part.  I am not a busty girl. I never will be nor do I want to be on a permanent basis.  I will however wear these on occasion.


The ad claims this to be a strapless, silicone bra. It comes in handy not only when wearing strapless shirts to keep our nips under wraps, but it also gives our bust a boost. Like I said, I am happy with my small chest, but occasionally I need a little extra something.  I have been known to stuff my bra with this product. I have even been known to wear more than one bra at a time, but I'm not trying to fool anyone long term.  This type of fake boob is not something you can pass off as being real on a regular basis or really any longer than a few hours at best.  You surely can not wear it on a night when you intend to "smoosh," which brings be to my point.  (I don't think I have a real point actually, but it does bring me to my pointless ramble.)

Last night on Jersey Shore, the boys brought back a couple of "grenades" for some hot tub action.  Not donning swim suits, these lucky girls took their soak in their undies. Before long, one of these rubber boobs was floating in the steamy water. Nice. Classy. The Situation removed his sunglasses briefly to inspect this "chicken cutlet" looking specimen much to the horror of the now lopsided grenade.  Said grenade froze in terror as the boys began a game of toss the tit. (OMG, I hate the "t" word, but it fit so I had to.)  This is not what I would do. (The freeze in terror part.  I actually probably would have taken the other one out and made this into a proper competition somehow.)

Let us start with where she went wrong. (Aside from trying to hook-up with the juiced and hair gelled boys from Jersey Shore of course.)  To begin with,  if you are wearing rubber boobs, you can not get into the hot tub.  If you are too drunk to remember you are wearing rubber boobs, then you are sloppy drunk.  I'm not one to judge as I have been drunk once or twice in my day but I can say I have been in a rubber boob swimming situation while highly inebriated and had the good sense to take them off.  Which brings me to my second point. If you are going to be wearing rubber boobs, you have to OWN them.  There is no hiding this matter. They are not real fakes and you have to take them with a grain of salt and laugh about it.  Please see exhibit A.
That is me.  If you click the photo to enlarge it, you can clearly see my chicken cutlet peeking out. I am OK with this.  Actually, I think this is a riot.  

My advice for anyone on owning her rubber boob bra and avoiding embarrassment in the future? Instead of hiding it, flaunt it.  Make a production of stating you are lacking a swim suit, but luckily, (take bra off here for dramatic effect after making sure all eyes on you) you have the rubber bra so you can modestly take a dip and join the fun anyway.  (We're all just mostly trying to hide our nips anyway right?)

If all else fails, put your sunglasses on. 

(And one last thought.  You can't crash MVP night, Angelina!!!)



16 comments:

Brittany said...

I died through out this entire post! LMAO!

JS was crazy last night. Think snook and vinny hooked up?

Jeremy said...

You have no idea how hard it is for me to hold back stories of your "sloppy drunk" nights right now. I have seen a few of them you know...

However, since you made me actually LOL this time I'll let you slide.

jules said...

I don't really think that Snooks and Vinnie had the sex. I think they just snuggled.

Jeremy. I didn't have my rubber boobs back then so the one thing we can agree upon is that we didn't have any of those moments. Let's just not talk about our Ocean City, Jersey Shore style trip! Ha ha ha. That's a blog for another day, though I know how much we ALL love that story!

One Blonde Girl said...

I hate the "t" word with a passion. Hate it. And I am all about flaunting our flaws and the flubs we have while trying to hide them. Who wants to go through life being embarrassed all the time?

Miss Chelsea said...

hahah love it

Bobbyd said...

hehe great post. Hilarious. You have an amazing writing style.

Cheers

Eva Gallant said...

great post! lol

Lady Stardust said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly and Sara said...

I love JS haha and almost died when her boob came out,

Rose said...

If you were drowning would the boobs help prevent you from sinking? laughable post. rose

Nicki said...

This is hysterical!! Toss the Tit should be a game played at all graduation parties!!!!

Nicki said...

Rose, I do believe they could be used as a floatation device if they are "C" or larger.

Shylah Santiago said...

I enjoyed this post a lot! <3 Haha.

margg. said...

mmm yes, the good old chicken fillet.
haha.
lovely :)

Birdie said...

Ahhhh!! Poor lopsided sloppy drunk girl:( Forever part of Jersey Shore's infamous legacy...

Nikki said...

And now that chick is on tv. Wonderful! I usually don't wear padded anything because I think it is false advertising. Of course I'm married now so who really cares, but you know. It matters to me ;)

I've though about getting fake ones someday. Maybe when I'm done having children and things are nearing my knees. I hate that it might give me a little more confidence and make my upper arms seem smaller. I'd rather take a vacation though.

Thanks for your comments! Happy to have found you. I cracked up at this post!