Monday, August 9, 2010

On the topic of underwear...

I have a phobia about plain white underwear.  I can NOT wear them.  And it's not what you think.  A while back in the 7th grade I had a pair of stark white undies. They were a little uncomfortable, but they were cute so I wore them anyway.  It was not a pleasant day with all the shifting and wedgie picking on top of the normal insecurities that the 7th grade offers.  Long story short, I somehow made the connection that wearing all white underwear equated to having a bad day. Every time.  I rationally stopped wearing them, and never bought another white pair again.

A couple of years ago, I received a coupon from Victoria's Secret telling me to come on in for my "no purchase necessary pair of free underwear." I was stoked but when I got there they only had white ones left.  I thought maybe I could break the curse but more importantly I couldn't very well explain to the sales lady that I no longer wanted the freebies without coming across like a total nutjob.  I bravely left the store and put those suckers in my drawer for a few weeks, every so often eyeballing them with suspicion. Eventually, I picked a cozy night in with Nat and wore them in the confines on my own house. They looked good. I washed them. With something red. (Don't judge me on my poor laundry habits!) The underwear came out pink.  OBVIOUSLY, the world does not want me to have white underwear!!! This is a clear omen. White underwear do not belong around me.

So WHAT am I going to wear under my wedding dress?  To be honest, I could wear leopard print under there and nobody would be the wiser, but generally speaking it is something to think about. My friend Kristen approached me with this dilemma in regard to her fast approaching nuptials.  Victoria's Secret suggests a super cute white thong embellished with the word "Bride" in pretty rhinestones. But it just kind of seems wrong to wear a thong under ones classy wedding dress, right? Or does it? But I feel you can't wear granny panties either. One thing is for sure and that is that you definitely need a fresh pair of never before worn, karma-free underwear no matter what. Further, it seems to me that brides need help getting into their dresses. So at least some people in addition to the groom are going to know!

Don't even get me started on the extreme terror of the thought of getting pregnant between now and wearing the most important dress of my life.  (Oh, in addition to my desire to NOT procreate ever anyway.)

So my question to you. What did you wear under your wedding dress?

12 comments:

Big Boops said...

I never wear white underwear either! I don't really know why. But when I'm at the store it just seems so boring to buy white when there are so many other fun options. However, on my wedding day I DID wear a really pretty white lace thong. It had more coverage than a string thong and was really pretty. It was purchased just for that day and I've only worn it once since. I keep it tucked at the back of my undie drawer and it kinda smiles at me everytime I open the drawer.

That's What She Said... (No, Really!) said...

I wore my "something blue" under my dress! I actually found some bride-specific light blue Hanky Panky undies with a pretty little rhinestone on them. While they are thongs, they are the super comfortable wide-banded lacy kind. I'm pretty sure they still have them on their website - hankypanky.com. Hope this helps! :)

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman said...

Blue! Go fot it. You need a something blue, right?

Annah said...

White underwear is a nightmare. I agree.

I've never been married so I don't know what to tell you :(

Stephanie Faris said...

I used to do the VS free underwear thing...and for a while they'd let you pick from a variety. Then they went to this "solids only" rule...and the choices weren't all that. So I stopped bothering...I just wear the cutesy cotton bikini briefs you get at Wal-Mart. Is that wrong of me?

Kristen said...

I love white underwear. I think it makes me look tan. ha ha.

So I ended up purchasing the VS sparkle bride thong. One disturbing thing....it is "one size fits all." I haven't had the courage to try it on yet.

Nicki said...

At the risk of sounding like an old fart...wear WHATEVER IS COMFY! Between shoes, bras, undies, stockings, hair-do's and what-not, the bride has a difficult time staying comfy! Boxers, granny panties, comfy thong..not one with diamonds up the ass crack...hell, even none! Those are my suggestions!

ag. said...

This is such a great post, too funny!
I didn't want to spend tons of money for my under-dress underwear but I did want something a little special. I just went shopping and found a pretty lacey thong that was black and white and looked like it'd be comfy all night but also sexy for the 'after party'! My husband noticed that it was new and really appreciated it. Don't worry about it being too 'bride' like...just treat yourself to a special new pait of panties!

Jeremy said...

Don't worry about what's under there so much as how hard it is to get in and out of that dress. There are plenty of people to help you get in before the wedding, but on the wedding night it's just you and Nat. (at least I hope so) I can tell you that after about 349 clasps on the dress and another 458 bobby pins from Tara's up-do "snuggling" was the LAST thing I wanted to do.

les jeune fille à les oiseaux said...

I have never thought about what underwear I will wear for my wedding day, that's so funny! :) and your white underwear story is hilarious. I think I will just stick with 'granny panties' (those are just regular underwear, right?). I never really wear much of anything else, except for the stringed side ones. I'm so old fashioned, I guess! Hahaha :)

One Blonde Girl said...

Once upon a time a (douchebag) guy told me that when he sees a woman wearing white socks he assumes she's wearing ugly whit granny panties as well. I'm not sure what this has to do with anything. I thought it related somehow, but I guess not really. And what about those cute "Cheeky" undies they have at VS? And if the color isn't going to show through anyways, I'd go black. I love black undies.

The Zany Housewife said...

I say when you get married, keep it simple...go commando. >:)