Wednesday, February 24, 2010

More Conversations

In the sober version of "Night Notes on Napkins," I retold the events leading up to a failed Buddhist/Meditation night on Monday. Since the response was good, I'll share a gem from each my Mom and Dad this past weekend.

The Setting: Parents house. In the country. Like real county. There are actual amish people in this small section of Maryland. 

Julie: Whoah! My new cell just received an email down here! My computer can't even pic up a wireless signal. How is this possible?
Mom: (Very confident, and very matter of fact) Well, Julie. There is a cell tower right down the road. Clearly, it's picking up that signal.

My dear, sweet, innocent Mother purchased her first personal cell phone less than a month ago and just learned to text. (Sort of) For years she didn't use her email address book, but typed in the address from a handwritten list but yet, she knows this?

The Setting: Melissa picking me up at my parents house to head home later that night.

Julie: Dad, did you see Mels sweet new Volvo?
Dad: Yeah! Mel, is this the same car from in Twilight?

(In my Dads defense, I totally made him watch it right after it came out on video under the pretense that he would enjoy the fast car scenes. )

Monday, February 22, 2010

Conversations of a Failed Meditation

I'm not a religious person. I do not strive to be a religious person. Lately, I've found myself on a quest for inner peace and enlightenment. Mel and I were pondering checking out our local meditation and Buddhist center. The website told us we could expect to be led in a meditation followed by Buddhist chat session including a question and answer period. Being the well adapted and open minded person I am, I was excited. I knew I'd be on my way to Zen-ville in no time! I pictured myself all:

Here's how it really went down.

11 a.m. Google Chat Style
Mel: Do you still want to go to Meditation tonight?
Julie: Yeah. I'm taking a boxing class at 4:30. Does it start at 7?
Mel: Yup. How is your day so far?
Julie. FML. I'm going to zen the f#$% out if it kills me.
Mel: HA HA. This is going to be perfect for you.
Julie: Where's the place again? Can you send me the link. I deleted it.
Mel: (sends link)

6:05 p.m. Phone call
Julie: I printed the directions and left them at work. Can you send me the link again?
Mel: (Just tells me how to get there)

6:45 p.m. Phone Call
Julie: Are you here yet? I think I'm at the wrong place. I'm the only car in the lot and there is a sign that is talking about "Quaker Meetings."
Mel: I'm not there yet, but you must be at the wrong place.
Julie: It's the proper address though. I'm pretty sure I'm not into the idea of a Quaker Meeting.
Mel: Maybe it is a joint center now that I think about it.

-Determine this is the correct place as 2 other cars including Mel arrive.
-Nobody gets out of vehicles
-Stare at rain slowly melting enormous piles snow.
-Wonder why the hell Mel isn't getting out of her car yet.

6:54 p.m. Text convo
Mel: Hmmmm. Waiting for someone to get out of their car?
Julie: I was waiting for you!
Mel: This should be interesting
Julie: Should we go in?
Mel: Another car is here!
Julie: False alarm. It's raining harder
Mel: Is this Quaker Turf?

-Discover my new phone will read my text messages out loud to me in a robot lady voice.
-Further discover, "Is this Quaker Turf?" and "Where the hell r u?" (from Newman) are the most funny messages I currently have.
-Watch fellow meditators loiter in dark around front door that appears to be locked.

7:05 Phone Call 
Julie: I think people are going in.
Mel: Ok, let's go in now too.

-Mel finds people in room with a Budda. First good sign of the night.
-Candles are being lit, and tea is being brewed.
-Buddhist poems(?) are handed out
-Everyone sits and looks at each other.

7:20 p.m. Whisper
Mel: I don't think the instructor is coming.

7:20:06 REALLY quiet whisper
Julie: Was Budda a god or a real person?
Mel: I'm not sure. We probably should have done a little more research before we came.
Julie: Text Vicki.
Mel: I don't have my phone.
Julie: I just turned mine off.
(Turn phone back on and hug it close to muffle non-zen technology sounds since the room is silent.)

7:25 p.m  Text
Julie: QUICK! Is Budda a god or a real person?
Vicki: Real persons.
Julie: Thank you! That's what I was hoping!

(Share info with Mel who is also relieved)

Vicki: The original budda was Sidhartha.

(Original?!? Point new text at Mel with concern.)

Mel: She did say persons.
Julie: I thought she was being...urban.

-Giggle nervously until 7:45pm and determine nobody will be arriving to lead our meditation and first Buddist lesson.
-Slowly slip out ever so discretely.
-Laugh at our luck in lobby.
-Arrive home and make homemade hummus.
-Plan to watch Indiana Jones II for some culture. (And because I'm obsessed with that movie.)

Zen and enlightenment will have to wait for another day.

Unrelated, how WRONG does this seem? Sushi Poppers?

Haiku Monday

Socializing Sal
hits Tsunami, then drives south
with Mel. See the stars?

What did you guys do this weekend?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

A few of my favorite things

Mostly, because I'm playing with my camera, listening to Fiona Apple and procrastinating on all things productive.

I call this collection, "Random Chick Stuff." (That's to say, if I had collections and subsequently named them.)

(Anyone out there have tips on macro settings?)

Monday, February 15, 2010

Haiku Monday

killed the cat. But I found my
way where I belong.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Night Notes on Thursday

One would think after last Saturday's episode I wouldn't be out and about on a Thursday night. The problem was, Newman was back in town and we had lots of catching up to do. I was painfully nursing a red wine because while the mere thought of alcohol still makes me shutter, the idea of sipping water at home and conversing just doesn't compute. We had to be out and about further socializing. High point of the night? Turning down shots.

Fado 02/11/2010

Julie: No. My body is saying don't you f^$&ing dare put that inside me.
Newman: That's what she said.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Night Notes while Snowbliterated...

A sheet of white covered the streets of Annapolis, Maryland last Friday and Saturday as far as the eye could see. As far as radar could see for that matter. Accuweather declared we would be "paralyzed, mauled and punished" by the blizzard which dumped a solid two feet of snow upon us. My romantically, snuggled-in, productive weekend was not going as planned. The internet was down and I hadn't found the motivation to be constructive in a myriad of warranted ways. The final straw was Nat having to walk into work. The thing about Annapolis is, when there's nothing else to do, you can always walk for drinks.

Just my luck, Kristen and Jud had been doing that very thing and afterwards they decided to pop 'round our place. Realizing I was about to be alone for the evening I opened a bottle of wine faster than Kim Kardashian can come up with excuses as to why Reggie Bush hasn't proposed yet post Super Bowl win, and enticed my friends to visit longer. It seems they weren't in the mood to venture home anyway and before I knew it, we were in the basement of Ramshead Tavern with wine, baked brie and sugar-coated Jeremiah Weed shots. I'll break for the Night Notes because it's around this time that I remember Kristen questioning the hour...

Snowpocolypse at Ramshead and Stan and Joe's   2/6/2010

Julie: I can't WAIT until we die! (Don't worry, I don't really want to die, this is just in hopes that when we do die, there is a video of our life highlights waiting for us to shine some light on hazy moments)

Jud: Harry Bradams.
Julie: Squeal!!!!!

Kristen: Please tell me it's at least 10.
Jud: It's 8:87
Julie: We're gong to be soooo hungover.

Group Effort: A martini is just a big shot...that you sip.

Kristen: Don't piss on your hat. (she didn't really say this, I just thought she did.) And also, ladies don't say piss. (I agree. Ladies should not say "piss.")

Jud: It's not over until somebody goes face down in the snow.

Kristen: Scuba Sarah.

Kristen and Julie: To Jud making us get in a fight about a trash can. (Apparently, from now on, whenever K & I drink, it seems we will come back to the ultimate downfall of our roommate break-up being because of Jud's big trash can.)

I'm going to skip over all things that happened at Stanley and Joseph's aside from the fact that there were more shots taken than any two people our size should ever take in a nights time and that it wasn't pretty. Also, switching to Gin and Tonic does not magically make it summer.

While I do not condone or recommend that anyone ever in life should get into the vehicle of someone they don't know while getting ready to stumble walk home in the aftermath of a blizzard just because said person is the operator of a seemingly snow capable piece of machinery, I also can not in good conscious say that I did not do this. To the best of my memory we began our wintry walk down West Street when a fine upstanding good samaritan offered us a lift. After carefully checking his credentials, and verifying he was quite sober, giving him a bleary eyed grunt, we politely and gracefully climbed into the backseat on our hands and knees surely leaving a mess of snow everywhere. I seem to recall a snow spewing donut take place before a bumpy slip sliding off-roading style adventure through downtown Annapolis. I can bet I said things like, "Wheeeeeeeee!"

I awoke sans pink razor phone and favorite pink hat (and still without internet) leaving me completely out of touch with the civilized world. And definitely beyond words hungover.  I'll find out the next day Kristen has my hat, but she is now without her glasses. Furthermore, after the good samaritan (angel sent from above) dropped her and Jud off, she promptly face planted it into the snow. Who knew Jud's premonition would be right on?

It is now Wednesday evening. It has been four days since said adventure. Our cars are still not freed from our tiny streets and I am operating on a phone from 2003 which holds the phone numbers of many ex-boyfriends and fancy ringtones of yesteryear, while Kristen still has no eye glasses. And the snow continues on as we speak. As of last count, another 9 inches has been delicately, slowly, tediously and deliberatly placed on top of our previous 2 feet. But don't worry. There is no alcohol in my future. Just plenty of snow puns.

This is snow stupid.

As we all know, the east coast is getting pummeled by yet another blizzard. Last week I heard it referred to as "Snowpocolypse, Snowmageddon, and Snowtorious BIG.  It was all fun and games. We're not used to such snownanigans in Maryland. I personally am suffering from a vicious case of snow-washing where I physically can not pronounce any word with an "o" sound in it without turning it into the word "snow." Like, snow my god, it's snow annoying. I want to punch myself in the face. Under normal circumstances, I would take the snowflakes life handed me, and go somewhere to get snowbliterated on snowtinis, but after last weekends debacle, (Night Note to be posted later today) I have snow desire to consume alcohol ever again.

I'll leave you with a picture of Pierre Bear and Chilly Willy. Even they are suffering from Cabin Fever. Note the killer icicles that eerily look like prison bars....

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


This snow has taken
it's toll on me. When will we
see sunshine again?