Sunday, August 9, 2009

Work vs Zoo?...ZOO!!!!

Approximately two years ago Kristen, Newman and I were hating numerous aspects of our lives, and the following occurred. This was initially written for an old blog, but I thought I'd bring it back.

For various reasons, Kristen and I had a bad Monday. We decided to go for just a few drinks and an app for din at Treaty of Paris. I warned Kristen that I was wearing a pony tail and when I wear my hair in a pony tail, which is not often at all, things always get out of hand. (IE, flower eating incident at Harry Browne's several months earlier) This night proved to be no different.

A few drinks in and we were emailing our bosses from the bar stating various illness's that we knew they wouldn't question because we were going to go to the Zoo with Nat and Newman! We quickly found ourselves at another bar downing cranberry and vodkas and accepting free shots from the bartender. Oops. We then headed back Treaty, dinner in hand for Nat and proceeded to practice our gymnastics Olympic style, saluting to the imaginary judges in one of the upstairs dining rooms. Apparently, this did not sit well with the dinner I had consumed with the cran-vods' and Kristen was soon holding my ponytail in the ladies. Not easily discouraged, we made our way back to the bar, sans 800 calories and proceeded to drink...something non-alcoholic. The fellow sitting next to me slurringly informed me that he was a nice guy and would like to take me out. I told him that I was drunk and not to talk to me further. Around this time I decided it was appropriate to become a sad drunk and Kristen and Newman proceeded to tell me things to stop the tears from over flowing from my lower lids and at the same time thwart the lame attempts of drunkie next to me. Kristen assured me that she would help me find a new fabulous job and something that I genuinely was going to love. Eventually, Newman said he had better take me to Nat's house as I believe I was starting to wilt and I probably had vomit on my face in a less than desirable fashion. Who
really knows though.

I was informed the next day that I was incapable of climbing the long staircase to Nat's so Newman opted to carry me up after several failed attempts. Allegedly, my response when this happened was, "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!". Again. who really knows. Being the (obviously) irresponsible young professionals that we were, we didn't actually leave for the zoo until 2 o'clock. By this time I had made it back to our apartment and mooched Kristen's leftover noodles and then stole strawberries out of her bowl for nourishment as I was too hungover to come up with food on my own. Kristen and I wore the biggest sunglasses we could find and insisted that Newman play our new Maroon 5 CD that had just come out on the way there. He got pretty annoyed when we kept singing the "Ooooh, oooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooh," part and turned it off. We felt like misbehaving six year olds.

When we finally arrived it was sweltering outside and steam rose from the black asphalt from a recent storm. Before long we amused ourselves by calling each other animal names ("Dont be such a two toed sloth''. "Your moms a Black-Naped Fruit-Dove" ) and praying none of the animals would escape and attack us because it would be hard to explain why a lion mauled me while I was sick at home with a bladder infection. I suggested that Kristen might be able to hide from a Cheetah, but it would probably find her anyway, because when it got close she would sneeze since she is allergic to cats. Newman said that was a weird way to think and only a hung over person would say it, but why wouldn't she be allergic to a cat, just because it was a large cat?

Our trip was cut short when a thunder storm rolled in and Kristen and I began to regret our decisions to go braless, fearing our wet shirts would prove to be see-through. Those of us who were hungover and spent most of the morning vomiting were in need of dinner anyway, so Nat suggested a Thai place we had been to once before and we were able to dry off and drink hot tea before it was time to head home.

Lack of sleep from the previous night allowed me to fall into a deep slumber upon Nats chest immediately upon arrival to his flat. I awoke refreshed and little more prepared to face another day at my despicable place of employment.


Stephanie Faris said...

Ick. Hungover at the zoo? The smells alone would make me puke. That's almost as bad as the time I was hungover and had to get on an airplane. NOT a place to be when you have a hangover.

jules said...

Well, we didn't leave until 2 oclock, so I was pretty much recovered. Being hungover on an airplane sounds like a terrible ordeal!

Kristen said...

ah ha ha ha hee hee hoo hoo ha ha ha. That was a fantastic day.

Anonymous said...

Having just walked that very, very slow uphill climb, I cannot IMAGINE doing it hung over. (Or was it not the same zoo? Either way.)