Wednesday, July 29, 2009

How could I forget...


...there were stickers at Jen's party?!?!?!?!?!



Also, my sincere apologies to Kristen for leaving that name calling voicemail after you politely declined to join our belligerent night. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Party Crashing (Ian's Birthday Observed Part II)

Across the bridge and back at Carrol's Creek again, Ian, Newman and I white-table-clothed it for Ian's Birthday. I did not regret ordering the Scallops. To DIE for. A storm was drifting over Annapolis and we caught glimpses of the State House and sailboats as lightening illuminated the Severn River. I cursed my camera's decision to be on the fritz.

After dinner, we made a pit stop back at Ian's for what was supposed to be a quick cocktail while waiting for his sister Rachel before hitting the town, but were distracted by the sounds of a booming party a few streets over. Considering another crash after such tunes as Lady Marmalade and Applebottom Jeans, I thought we had nixed the idea assuming it was a 14 year old's summer celebration, (and besides, I didn't have my bathing suit handy) so I was surprised when on our walk to the bars Ian said we were going to make a pit stop to check out the soiree. Loitering at the top of the drive way, we spied a social gathering an average age of about 10-20 years our senior. Mid-game plan of attack, Ian advanced into the yard leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves. Would we be brave enough to join him? After about five minutes Rachel and I decided the time to hesitate was through and without further adieu, left Newman and joined the others. By this time Ian was in deep conversation with party goers who quickly took us in as his friend and told us to hit the bar, dance and mix and mingle. Approximately, 30 seconds later I was drinking a Jennytini out of a plastic cup that said "Jen's Forty!!!" in pink letters while talking to Keith, a 40 something insurance salesman. Rachel and I soon made our way to Jen to introduce ourselves and to Lisa who was throwing the party. They were pleased to have us. We were pleased to dance to Billie Jean after the DJ obliged our request. Eventually, Newman made it in and he was welcomed with open arms as well. These people rocked so much our little group barely hung out together we were so busy meeting and greeting. I can't wait to go back to Octoberfest. We won't be crashing this time because we all got the official invite for October 3rd. In the future, I'm only going to crash the bashes at the swanky homes of people with large salaries who have catered parties with hired bartenders and a tree house sweet enough to live in. Did I mention this house was insane????

My camera was blatantly declining to cooperate however I (sort of) snapped this shot of Jen getting her cake. (Of course we sang. We also participated in "pin the tattoo on Jen." If you're going to crash a party, you have to be festive and entertaining!)




As for the napkin:


Carrol's Creek (Ian's Birthday Observed Part II) 7/25/2009

One wrong move and your name becomes Bichard!

Newman: Can you fit more than one person in there?
Julie: It's not that kind of a chamber.

Newman: Hiiiiiiiiiiiii

Julie: I'm not doing classy things back here.

Ian: Hell no! That's the night I lost my shoe! I fucking crazy hate it!

Rachel: There's a blog about Ian's life?
Newm: Yeah. Drunkenasshole.com


After many hugs and thanks, we finally ventured onto Fado. I recall dancing with a girl in a party dress and sunglasses. We met up with Jenkins. I may or may not have called a guy Edward Cullin for popping his collar so high it was touching the sides of his mouth. Not that it's OK if it only skims your cheek but still. It was sneaking into his mouth. He surely didn't look like Edward Cullin, but I suppose he looked a little vampirey. He heard my comment and didn't appreciate it but I didn't back down. I couldn't let it slide. I would have documented it with a picture if I could have but don't even get me started on that again. ( I might be a mean drunk) My last memory is of doing cartwheel in a hallway at the Westin and making Newman do one too. That's not true. I remember somebody drove us home.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Ian's Birthday (Observed) Part I

Picture it. Ian's porch. A grill. Bubbly. (Both beer and cheap champagne) All the ingredients to start the weekend right. We had decided to behave for various reasons and the number one rule for the night was to keep things classy. 

THE Night Note.

Newman: We're going to be good and classy...and out.
Ian: Classy is the new black.
Ronnie: I could show you things you can do without a penis!
Newman: You can't. Your name is on a mailbox with someone else.
Newman: Look, we wanted to hang out, but it's classy night.
Ian: Wrinkles are not classy.
Ian: Eastport. It's a whole 'nother country.
Julie: Newman, you're an alpha male.
Eli: This is what you always deny. That I taught you how to do the dog. 

We walked across the bridge to Carrols Creek and  Rockfish, before heading back to Pusser's  and meeting up with Ramsay and Eli. Not ones to stay put this night, and hearing there was a good band at Stanley and Joseph's we cabbed it for one last stop. I hadn't seen Ram and E in a while so we had lots of catching up to do. Aside from a slight run-in with some chick in painfully boring Old Navy khakis and flip flops (horrors!) who made a snide comment about my short skirt, (I was wearing a long shirt and short shorts bitch!) we were pretty classy. 


THE Map. 

Monday, July 20, 2009

The day after Sunday...

It would appear as though I made a quick post last night wouldn't it? In Kurt's defense, he did not initiate the flavor/color comparison. Nat was the one who said the wine smelled purple, and Kurt went with it saying it tasted blue. See? Wine isn't snobby.

In any event, yesterday involved Nat and I lunching on the outside patio at Corner Cafe. Fantastic Lamb Gyros and fun french jazz. Picked up some fancy cheeses, some wine and took advantage of the mini-beer tasting outside Mills on the way home. By 5 we were on the water at the park with Chris enjoying the aforementioned purchases. I wasn't kidding when I said I was hand feeding the ducks. They got brave and plucked chips right out of my hand. Nat wasn't nearly as amused as Chris and I were when one the the ducks flapped it's feathers and splashed water all over him. I was like, "That's Quack!"... Ok, maybe I wasn't.

No need to worry about the cheese Nat has his foot on. We deemed that one inedible. Those mallards wouldn't even partake.


Before long, Kurt and Matt had arrived as well and it was time for Spaghetti making, Monte Python watching and Sommelier celebrating. I awoke this morning wondering the following:

1. Why am I so dizzy?
2. Could we possibly have consumed all NINE of those bottles of wine on the counter?
3. Why is there wine on the ceiling?
4. Seeing that Matt's bike is still on the porch, maybe we did drink nine bottles.
5. Is there any spaghetti left?
6. No, seriously, why is there wine on the ceiling?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sunday Night

We had a few bottles of wine at the duck park. Enjoyed some fantastic cheese from the deli and fed all the crackers to the ducks. Were they eating out of the palm of my hand by the end of it? You know it.  Nat, Chris, Kurt and myself are back at the house while Nat's makes spaghetti and discusses wine, (obv), and what's Kurt say?

"It tastes purple but it smells blue." 

And he's right. That is what Nat should have wrote on his Sommelier exam. 


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Party Crashers

I don't have to tell you how much I enjoy starting an evening having cocktails on Ian's porch and ending it at random people's homes. But I will.

Newman and I headed over around 8 and the three of us sipped cool beverages and played a few rounds of Crazy 8's which is interesting because I hate cards, but was totally the drink Nazi after winning the first game. Speaking of such, here are the Napkin (Plate) Notes.

July 11th, 2009, Ian's Porch

Newman: If it comes out of the original vessel, it can't be wrong.
Ian: That's what she said.

Ian: I can Eddie Haskell the shit out of parents.

Newman: The winner makes everyone drink...Which I don't think will be a problem with this group.

Julie: DRINK AGAIN!!!
Newman: Drink again!?! ---and I'm a "nice Nazi???"

Jenks- I'd like to make sure she's farther away.


Before long we left for mixing and mingling with our regular cast of characters at Stanley and Joseph's before ending up at Kyma. Being the responsible ones that we are, Ian and I decided it was time to call it a night. I had a hot date with Nat and the Season Finale of Harper's Island anyway. In a creative departure, we exited through the back right below the bright red sign like we were avoiding a flood of paparazzi. From there, our walk home went smoothly and uninterrupted for about 30 seconds when we became distracted by the sounds of a party! I can't be certain who suggested we pay a visit, but it might have been me, and Ian might have thought it was a fantastic idea. So much that without a moments hesitation he walked straight in the front door. I was thinking "Uh,oh," but said, "Oh, helloooo!" as I ran into the kitchen behind him and told a room full of people that I was Julie and this was Ian and we were just popping in to say hi. I quickly met the hostess named Britney and her friend who seemed pleased to have their party crashed by strangers. In fact, they told me they liked my shoes. I was making my summer debut of these, so really who can blame them?


I'd lost Ian already so I gave myself the grand tour of the living room and found an elaborate beer pong set-up in the backyard. (Mostly it was just a table with red plastic cups.) "Hey, I know you," said some girl! Staring blankly into a vaguely familiar face, she reminded me that we used to go to the same gym before it closed. We made small talk and before long I was suspecting the average age of the party was 22 and we needed to leave. Long story short, we forgot to leave and instead began to insult everyone. *Hangs head in shame. Not surprisingly the other party goers started to turn on us. At one point, that gym girl even said, "WHATEVER!!!"

We went inside and I complained to Britney that her friends didn't like us anymore so we were leaving. She said it was nice to meet us, thanked us for stopping by and even hugged me.

Around this time, Newman called to see where we were and we quickly found our way to the proper street. I went on to my original plan we'll get to Ian's night momentarily.

The next day after brunching with Mel and Ben at Ramshead, back at home I was startled to hear someone at the door. Convinced it was John Wakefield resurrected from Harper's Island I was relieved when it was just Ian. "I woke up in a random vehicle, next to a car seat, without my cell phone andmissing one shoe. What happened last night???" I retold the tale, confused as to how he had not made it into his house, before we determined he must have left his phone at Britney's. With Nat as our bodyguard, we headed back to City Gate where all the houses look exactly the same. Confident we'd found the proper home based on the beer cans in the back and front yard, we were alarmed when a 50ish lady (but the kind that still wears Forever 21) who had clearly been sleeping answered the door. Not missing a beat (Eddie Haskell style, see above) Ian plead his case, but the annoyed woman assured us there had been no party the night before. Realizing, A.) Britney was really not going to like us when she found out we ratted her out to her Mom for having a party or B) Her Mom is dumb, we scurried away and called the phone (and shoe) a loss.

After parting ways, I looked up at Nat. "Are you mad?" Luckily, he was amused at our little fiasco and we went on to have a lovely evening. We met up with Chris and his friend Rachel, headed to the Japanese Steakhouse and ended up back at the duck park enjoying the beautiful night and a bottle of sparkling. Perfection.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Dude, where's my visor?



I think it's going to be necessary to implement a new feature on Night Note on Napkins known as the "Explanatory Emails." We'll get to that in a minute though.

Friday, Mel and I had big plans for a day on the river at ButtsTubes catching up, drinking wine and eating carbs. The trip was going smoothly until it came to an abrupt halt seven miles from our destination. A half an hour later we had moved but half a mile and decided to pull off to the marked "Picnic Area" for a quick sandwich and wine fix. There was a threatening rooster watching us and we were a little too close to Burkittsville for comfort so we left before long in hopes the traffic had cleared before the Blair Witch could get to us. The sky was ominous and the cars were still gridlocked so we regrouped and headed to the Bead Bungalow in West Annapolis where I made a sweet amber bracelet. Then all this happened on a note:


BOL'r Non-Tubing Day (but with great attempt) 7/3/09


It's like Buddha threw-up in here - Mel

How do you catch a guy wearing just a dick sock? - Jul

These bears are making out. - Jul

I liked them until they started coming out with like chocolate parmesan. -Mel

Mel, the %@$ is on fire.



The next day we didn't feel like officially partaking in the downtown 4th of July shenanigans so we watched the fireworks from my window and then headed to Ians. The napkin only chronicles the first few minutes of the evening and you'll see why.


July 4th, 2009 Ians House

Mel: I'll take your peer pressure.
Newman: and I'll raise you...?

Bernie: You've got a road Vineyard.


From there, a fairly large group of us ended up at Federal House. I sort of wish my camera wasn't on the fritz and I was able to take large amounts of ridiculous photos, however maybe it is best I only had my disposable water camera on hand thus thwarting photographic evidence of the crime that seems to have taken place. And now for the new (paraphrased) email feature:


Julie : I think Mel may have taken off with one of your friends visors.

Newman : We stole that. Do you not recall? We stole if off a coat rack at fed house.....nice blackout Julie....high five.

Julie : I have no recollection of this. I was a little concerned about befriending a douchebag who wore a visor anyway. I feel a lot better about life.

Ian : I don't think I was there when this occurred. I was a little worried I had been hanging out with someone in a visor too. Especially since it was night time.

Julie : I wonder if I was present for this alleged theft as well. I don't normally steal things.

Newman : Julie, you were indeed present before, during and after the visor theft. It was a dance accessory for you at several points in the night. I regret to inform you that wearing said garment probably means you have caught gay. Sorry about that.

Julie : Crap.