Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Savannah Sand...



It's no secret. I just got back from Savannah. Are there Night Notes? Is my name Julie? Of course. And they're fabulous. But I don't feel like sharing the hilarity at the moment. Instead, I'd like to tell the tale of Tybee Island.

When visiting Savannah it's imperative to make the short trip to the ocean. A twenty minute drive leads you to Tybee Island where the waters cold but the sun is hot in April. And apparently, the sand dollars are aplenty. That's to say if you're not afraid to pick them up...

It all started after Mel and I decided to walk down to the pavilion while April was sunning. I spied a half dollar in the wet sand and carefully picked it up. How this sand dollar had been broken in two, we'll never know but being a fan of all things sea bound, I picked it up gleeful of my find. After much deliberation on just how alive sand dollars were, we decided, not very. However, when we came across a fully intact one a short while later, our squeamish sides got the best of us as it's star opened and closed presumably breathing. I'm not sure what our fear of picking it up was, but in our delay an innocent looking 10-ish year old swooped in between us and scooped it up.

"Oh, that's one of ours," he stated. "It must have washed up on shore."

He had another in his other hand so I guess he'd just dropped it.

"So, it's safe to pick them up? " we inquired.

"Oh, yeah, just don't touch the under side or they turn your hand yellow," he proclaimed while displaying a mustard colored hand.

We asked several more questions in reference as to how to find them before his sister appeared with a conch shell.

"There's a snail in it," she exclaimed.

"You should probably put that back in the water, " I suggested. "It's alive and you don't want to kill it."

She looked at me like I was a complete moron and went away as her brother tired of us and walked away as well. And just where was he walking??? To his boogie board. Home of TWENTY PLUS DRYING UP SAND DOLLARS!!!

"That kid stole our sand dollar!" exclaimed Mel!

"We got bamboozled by a ten year old!!!" I pouted.

We considered casually taking one from his stash while he wasn't looking and running quick as lightening, but envisioned that ending in parents chasing up the beach and us yelling for April to "start the car!!!" Instead we wistfully walked back to our blanket, eyes peeled to the beach below us for another chance, but to no avail. When we got back to the blanket, we told April our tale of the mean bully who stole our sand dollar and convinced her to get it back for us. Unfortunately, she lost interest after realizing how long the walk back was going to be. I know she would have got it back had he been closer. Meanie.

And that is how we left Tybee Island with a half dollar in our pockets...



Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Speaking of the Kitchen...

...I was in it on Sunday. In fact, I did the hosting of the Easter dinner. This was a huge deal for me! I even put on an apron. Visions of a blackened, smoking ham did not come true. Everyone said my Southern Comfort sweet potatoes tasted exactly like my Grandmothers. Cheryl brought her wine cookies that I've become obsessed with in the last year and my Mom made the most adorable cupcakes. Everyone was chatting and my Dad was running around being manly checking on the squirrel situation and showing me how to take apart the vacuum cleaner I just got. Afterwards, Nat and I hit up Sly Fox for a beer and basically, it was the best day.

I was trying to kill some time before hot yoga at 6 on Monday night and decided to pop into the newly renovated Shoppers to see if it was upgraded enough to shop in. Things went downhill after the produce. A seemingly nice lady in a scooter asked me if I could reach a can of Mushroom soup for her which I happily did. I was a little intimidated by her acrylic pink talons, but was more horrified by the smell wafting from her. Then this tall sashaying man started coming at me at lightening speeds in the dairy aisle. I was just trying to get out of his way and he was all, "Hey Girl! Hey, sweetie!!!" He almost hit me with his flailing arms! About this time smelly scooter lady was making a turn towards me looking high above her head. I wasn't taking any chances so I hustled to the self check-out lane. Things went smoothly until I finished and was bagging my items and the lady behind me starting flinging her items down the conveyor belt mixing, mingling with mine. What the hell??? Had I been a dishonest individual, I could have grabbed and bagged her goods too!!!... Though, I'm not sure what I would have done with Fried Chicken TV dinners. After all that, I got into my car and it was 5:02. I gave up and went home until it was time for yoga.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Calling in the Marines...

A few years ago I posted a blog about Cheryl and I making fun of a conversation we heard in St. Mary's county at dinner. The patrons behind us were talking about bad animals to accidentally get in your house. Apparently karma didn't appreciate my poking fun at the southern folk and I've been battling a squirrel situation with a side of useless landlord ever since. Trust me, I love animals, but hearing them ungracefully crashing about in your walls at 6:30 am is only funny for so long. Humanely capturing them and releasing them into church parking lots only to have them return a few weeks later is not working.

We problem solved this situation for an embarrassingly extended period of time over drinks at Pusser's last night. I was all in a huff after picking up a larger trap yesterday afternoon and stalking behind my curtains for a good 45 min. sniper style only to see the filthy rodent and his friend gingerly creep into the cage onto the trap and back out. (Now, he decides to be light, quiet and graceful) Poison is out because you KNOW it will die in the wall and more importantly if it doesn't I don't want any bald eagles or other nice quiet animals coming along and..oh the horror of it all. Ben had his marines on text and I think "J-F-F" had some sort of a fool proof plan, but I don't recall what it was. Ultimately a B.B. gun seems like it might be the best idea.

"This squirrel is now so ugly to me, I don't have a problem shooting it," I claimed!
"You don't have the heart," said Ben.
"....I know," hangs head in defeated shame.

The good news is, I have outwitted that squirrel!!! At least, that's to say he wasn't so graceful this morning and if you want to know the truth, he is captured upstairs right now! Unfortunately, Nat is sleeping and I don't think I'm brave enough to relocate him myself. He's probably pretty pissed since he's stuck in that cage and its raining outside. (Stifles laugh. I swear I'm not evil.) OK, OK, I'm going!!! Geeez.

P.S. Does anybody know for sure if squirrels can swim?
P.P.S. And no I couldn't release him into the water myself......but if anyone else wants too. Just saying.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Define success...





I got a new purse today. At hot yoga, the teacher showed us new poses I had never tried before. I managed to not have any meltdowns. As of late, this equals a good day. 

I can't find my planner. There are lists in my planner that I need to see. Need to add more things to do to those current lists. I need to make a new list. A list for this year.

Nat asked me how I defined success. I immediately saw the flaw in my definition. But I am tragically missing my glamorous career. 

Cheryl said, "Girl, you are always partying," as we passed pictures of me in Miami, Savannah, tubing, with mustaches, the croquet match ect.

I guess things aren't so bad.



Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Why it's bad to drink Petron at Happy Hour when you're angry...

Basically, the title of this blog speaks volumes. We started at R-Tav and it's too shameful to even admit where we ended up.




Translations:

Ben: I always get carded.
ref: You know what sucks? Getting old. But at least we got carded.

Ben: I was happy to support my local cupcake shop... but I wouldn't buy a dozen.

Everybody: Breakfast brownies are where it's at!
(Jul, Ben, Mel)

Mel: Thailand!
Ben: NOT two blonde girls!!!

Ben: NEMASIS SHOTS!
Mel: Its ebonics tonight.

Ben: Petron just has a way of seeping into your pores.
Mel AND Julie: ...Yeeeeeah.

Mel: It's still light outside!

Ben: I BROUGHT REDBULL AND VODKA TO AMERICA. I BROUGHT THE REVOLUTION!! YOU'RE WELCOME. AMEN. PREACH ON! PREACH ON!

Ben: The Verizon operator doesn't know where Patrick is-


Please note on the 2nd napkin we no longer know the date. I think my favorite part is Mel declaring it to be light outside after our Petron shots. Or possibly that it seems Ben eventually just asked the operator if he knew where Patrick was.

For the record, I awoke surprisingly emotionally refreshed and carried on down to the county for delightful family time.